Adventures in Translation

Good Mourning! The Professional Mourner, or Ku Sang Ren

2011-12-21T15:19:00.001-07:00

Recent video footage of North Korean citizens weeping uncontrollably in the frigid streets of Pyongyang got me thinking: Are these people really brainwashed enough to care that the star of Team America: World Police is dead? Or did someone put them up to it?

Answer: Who knows? But, there is an ancient practice that originated in China, (therefore it probably spread to North Korea) of hiring people to mourn at funerals, since it looks better if tons of people are going to miss you after you kick it.

The word for this in Chinese is 哭丧人 (kū sāng rén), literally "a person (人) that cries (哭) and mourns (丧.)"

In case you were wondering, the late dictator Kim Jong-Il's Chinese name is 金正日 (Jīn Zhèngrì, literally "Proper Sun"), and his son, the young, pudgy prodigy Kim Jong-Eun, who has been named Supreme Leader (or as his friends call him, the "Royale with Cheese") is 金正恩 (Jīn Zhèng'ēn, literally "Proper Kindness".)

"Kim" is one of the most common Korean names (like my stuffed toy raccoon, Mr. Kim, who was made in Korea), and along with Park and Lee they account for almost half of Korean surnames (if you believe Wikipedia).

I digress, as usual. According to my research, in parts of China, namely Sichuan Province, some enterprising unemployed people are digging up this moldy tradition of professional mourning and making a killing as tears-for-hire.

One of these geniuses is 52-year-old Hu Xinglian,(胡兴莲 Hú Xīnglián), known by her stage name, Jingle Cat Dragonfly. If that sounds weird, it is.

She goes by "Dingding Mao" (叮叮猫 dīng dīng māo), which means Jingle Cat, but in the Chongqing dialect, that means "dragonfly" (蜻蜓 qīng tíng).

Apparently the practice of paying for mourners began in the time of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty (汉武帝 Hàn Wǔdì) (141-87 BC). During the Cultural Revolution it was seen as part of the "poisonous influence of Feudalism," (封建流毒 fēngjiàn liúdú) and was suppressed. After China's reform and opening up, (改革开放, gǎi gé kāi fàng) in the late 1970s, the practice came back to life, and people like Hu have started to cash in on it.

The article I read describes a typical funereal gig for Hu. After finding out a little about the deceased, Hu reads the eulogy with a sad voice, and calls out the person's name between sobs. She may also call out "Mother!" or "Father!" in order to move the crowd. Which is odd since she is not related to the dead person. Sometimes she will kneel before the casket, or even crawl on the floor, wailing after the person's soul, begging it not to leave so soon (see picture).

She makes between 200-800 yuan per session ($25-$100), and in the seven years she has been doing this for a living, she's served about 4,000 people. Although, she said does not actually cry at the funerals, she just fakes it. (If you replace "cry" and " funeral" with other words, this paragraph could be talking about another "ancient profession!")

It is unclear if she was hired as a consultant for Kim Jong-Il's Million Man Funeral, but the tradition apparently lives on in North Korea. However those mourners probably did not get paid, unless you consider not being executed a form of currency.

But it's not all doom and gloom for a professional mourner! Hu is also in a band and they play at weddings, too.

Chinese demons, monsters and other beings

2011-09-23T15:06:00.002-06:00

The Qilin. Its appearance is said
to herald the arrival of a great sage.

Welcome to Hell, human.

Here you will find a comprehensive list of demons, devils and assorted supernatural nasties - as they are known to the Chinese. This way, when you are blasted into the abyss by an evil sorcerer, you will have the names of your tormentors at your disposal! (As long as you have wi-fi access and remember to follow this blog.)

Read on, but first, as the saying goes: "报上名来, 免做无名之鬼!" (bào shàng míng lái, miǎn zuò wú míng zhī guǐ, "Tell me your name, so you will not be a nameless ghost! [after you are slain]")

Some of the creatures below are mentioned in the various "Novels of the Weird," (志怪小说 zhì guài xiǎo shuō), that gained popularity in the period of theWei, Jin, and Southern and Northern Dynasties (魏晋南北朝 wèi jìn nán běi cháo), roughly between 220-589 C.E.

During this time, Buddhism was becoming popular (having been introduced in the first century C.E.), Daoism was burgeoning, and Daoist and Confucian ideas were combined into a kind of metaphysical study known as 玄学 (xuán xué, literally "study of the mysterious"). Persian and Greek influences were also seeping into China, so the whole place was awash in myths, legends, superstition, religion and all things mystical and magical.

Other monsters are from the ancient text, the Shan Hai Jing (山海经 shān hǎi jīng), or "Classic of the Mountains and Seas." The author and date of this book are not known, but it is thought to be at least two thousand years old. It is more of a geography book than a list of creatures; it describes known and unknown areas of "China" (such as it was back then) and the inhabitants of those areas, some of whom are monsters.

Additional beings are described in the 4th-century tome, "In Search of Spirits" (搜神记 sōu shén jì) by Eastern Jin Dynasty Court Historian Gan Bao (干宝 gān bǎo). "In Search of Spirits"(or "Records of the Search for the Supernatural") is a compilation of stories and accounts of otherworldly creatures and encounters.

Behold! The Encyclopaedia Obscura de Daemona et Anima Orientalis!
(Apologies to anyone who actually knows Latin and/or Greek.)

精 - jīng - general term for spirit, or sprite. Also 精灵 jīng líng.

鬼 - guǐ - ghost. This is an important character in supernatural lore. It is part of a lot of other characters that have to do with ghasts, ghouls and ghosts, usually found on the left side of the character, e.g. 魑, 魃.

地狱 - dìyù - Hell. Lit. earth/underground prison. There are Buddhist, Daoist, and other interpretations of Hell, but most agree it is not a fun place to spend an afternoon.

妖 - yāo - female demon. Also means "full-figured woman," which was apparently so rare back in ancient times that if you saw one she must be a demon. Common usage is 妖怪 (yāo guài), demon or ghost.

魊 (also written 蜮) - yù - Yu, a turtle-like creature that lurks in dark waters and attacks people by spitting sand at them. Sounds pretty annoying.

幽灵 - yōu líng - ghost, apparition. Literally "dark soul."

狐狸精 - húli jīng - fox spirit. These are typically attractive, female spirits who can assume human form and are generally associated with mischief. They can do magic and live for hundreds or thousands of years. Also used today as an insulting term for a man-stealing homewrecker.

蓝精灵 - lán jīng líng - Smurf. Okay, it's not a Chinese demon, but in Chinese it is literally, "blue spirit."

The legendary Nine-tailed Fox.

九尾狐 - jiǔ wěi hú - Nine-tailed fox. A magical creature that lives in the Qing Qiu Mountains. It "sounds like an infant and can eat people." (according to the Shan Hai Jing). Not to be confused with the "Cat-o-nine-tails."

魑魅 - chī mèi - Chimei, a malevolent demon that lives in the mountains. Don't make it angry.

恶魔 - è mó- demon. Fairly generic word for your basic run-of-the-mill evil demon or devil. Another similar word for demon is 恶煞 (è shà). The first part of both words is 恶 (è), which basically means "evil." Evil is made up of two parts: 亚 yà - (ugly) and 心 xīn (heart).

魈 - xiāo - Xiao, a one-footed mountain-dwelling fiend. It has one foot, a big head and a small body and attacks people at night. What a jerk.

The Kui

夔 - Kuí - Kui. A one-legged demon of Chinese mythology. Not to be confused with the Xiao, but who knows how to tell the difference?

魃 - bá - Ba, a powerful demigod that can cause droughts. Also known as "Han Ba," 旱魃 (hàn bá). (旱 hàn means drought). Not clear if it is a demon or an actual god.

无支祁 - wú zhī qí - Wu Zhiqi, an ape-like water demon. He is as strong as nine elephants, with a white head and green body. However, he is not much of a threat today since he was defeated and chained up by the legendary Yu the Great (大禹 Dà Yǔ), who lived in the 21st century BCE. Yu the Great is best known for Taming the Great Flood (but he was possibly just an irrigation specialist.)

Sun Wukong, the mischevious Monkey King

孙悟空 - Sūn Wùkōng - Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven. Another famous monkey, Sun Wukong is the magical character from the Classic Novel "Journey to the West" (西遊記 - Xīyóujì). This book also features tons of demons and creatures, and really deserves its own post at some point. Sun Wukong was recruited to help the Tang Dynasty monk Xuan Zang (玄奘 Xuán Zàng) on his pilgrimage to India to retrieve Buddhist scriptures.

鹣 - jiān - Jian, a mythical bird with only one eye and one wing, so that only a pair of them can fly (often used in phrases to describe people who are in love and inseparable, eg: 鲽鹣 diéjiān - "a flounder and a Jian-bird," meaning a harmonious and affectionate couple. Um, okay.)

僵尸 - jiāng shī - zombie. Along with the noodle, gunpowder and the dumpling, China also claims it invented the zombie. According to Daoist lore, zombies are dead people whose "limbs are stiff, heads do not lower, eyes do not slant, legs do not separate, and the corpse does not rot." One account says the Yellow Emperor's daughter was cursed by the emperor's legendary rival Chi You, (蚩尤 Chī Yóu) and became a zombie.

Bai Ze

白泽 - baí zé - Bai Ze, a legendary beast-god. The Bai Ze resides in the Kunlun Mountains. Its entire body is white and it can speak human languages. It knows the name and appearance of every type of demon, monster and ghost in existence - and more importantly it knows how to defeat each one. He told this information to the Yellow Emperor (黃帝 Huángdì) in the 26th century BCE, who wrote them down in a book called the "Book of Bai Ze" (白泽图 bái zé tú). This book was lost long ago, but when it existed, it allegedly served as a kind of Field Guide to Monsters, (eat your heart out Gary Gygax) and people would carry it around so they could identify and fend off any supernatural foes they happened to run into.

貔貅 - pí xiū - Pixiu, a mythical hybrid creature that brings luck and wards off evil, having a dragon's head and a lion's body, often with hoofs, wings and tail, and covered in grey fur. It is an angry beast, due in large part to the fact that it has no anus. Doh! It can consume only money, but can't crap it out, so it is lucky to have one in your house. Or, at least a statue of one. If you come by a Pixiu statue, you should put a coin in its mouth and leave it there, for good luck. It will attract money from all over the place to eat. It is said to be one of the nine offspring of the dragon. It looks a lot like a Qilin, but only has one horn in the middle of its head.

麒麟 - qí lín - Qilin. (Same as Kirin, in Japanese, like the beer.) This sagatious chimera is mostly good, but will punish the wicked. It's depiction has varied over the centuries, but it generally has a dragon head with two horns, hooves, lion eyes, tiger back, bear waist, and snake scales. It is the steed of the gods and can fly. One theory is that it was an early name for a giraffe, probably before anyone had actually seen one, although admittedly giraffes are insane looking.

獬豸 - xiè zhì - Xiezhi. A guardian beast-god similar to the Qilin, but with black fur, and only one horn. It can speak human languages and is able to sense good and evil. It will seek out corrupt government officials, after which it impales them with its horn and eats them. Must be extinct.

女娲 - Nǚwā - Nu Wa, not really a beast, but the creator of humanity. A strange serpent-bodied woman, associated with Fuxi (伏羲 fúxī) the male half of the creator of humanity who may or may not be Nu Wa's brother. No wonder the world is so screwed up.

鷫鸘 - sù shuāng - Su Shuang. One of the god-birds of the Five Directions, the Su Shuang resides in the West. It has a long neck, is green and resembles a wild goose, but it can turn its feathers to fur.

魍魉 - wǎngliǎng - A fairy monster that lives in mountains and streams.

鹏 - péng – Peng bird. A huge mythical bird, similar to the Roc. Sometimes used in people's names so you think they are a badass.

Wow. As I research these things, more and more seem to crop up. That is it for now. Please comment if you can think of any more I should include. Thanks for reading!

Chomping Thru China: Where to eat in Beijing

2011-06-07T06:00:00.009-06:00

Welcome to Chomping Thru China, (中国食记, Zhōngguó shí jì) a three-part travelogue about where to eat in different cities in China! This is not a comprehensive guide, it is more just a bunch of places we ate at and liked on our recent visit to China. Get ready for some major taste-bud envy. First up: Beijing!

Black Sesame Kitchen
3 Black Sesame Hutong,
Dongcheng District, Beijing, China 100009

After a full day of going through three boxes of my crap at my friend Rao Shan's parents' house that had been there gathering dust for the last decade, we set out for my Journalism School classmate, Jen Lin-Liu's restaurant/cooking school in the heart of Beijing's old city.

Black Sesame Kitchen (黑芝麻厨房 hēizhīma chúfáng) is not easy to find, but it is worth the search. The restaurant is in the back of a renovated courtyard in one of Beijing's dwindling historic alleyways. I found this fascinating, because when I left in 1999, a foreigner operating a business in an old hutong would have been difficult to pull off at best, if not impossible (as far as I know). Jen's place turned out to be the first of three surprisingly delightful culinary and brewtastic finds that we came across in the alleyways.

Beijing is famous for its ancient alleys, known as "hutongs," (胡同, hútòng). The hutongs date from the Yuan Dynasty (1271-1368) and some have cool, whimsical names like Silver Bowl hutong, Chicken Claw hutong, and Big Tea Leaf hutong (where I lived for a little while). Jen's place was in - where else? Black Sesame hutong (黑芝麻胡同 hēizhīma hútòng), No. 3 to be exact.

You have to contact BSK ahead of time to make a reservation either for dinner or actual cooking classes. In true last-minute style (and encouraged by my mom), I emailed Jen from the airport in San Francisco a few hours before we left for Beijing to see if she was around. She was nice enough to set us up with a special reservation on short notice and she signed us up for the awesome 10-course dinner complete with wine and the ever-popular Yanjing beer (燕京啤酒 Yānjīng píjiǔ). The food was prepared in sight by Jen's former cooking teachers, and it was a sampling of some traditional favorites as well as some more creative options. Here is a quick look at what we had:

- Pork and pumpkin potstickers (猪肉南瓜锅贴 zhūròu nánguā guōtiē)
- Fried shiitake mushrooms with coriander and carrots (素炒膳丝 sù chǎo shàn sī)
- Flash fried lamb with leeks (葱爆羊肉 cōng bào yángròu)
- Red-braised eggplant (红烧茄子 hóng shāo qiézi)
- Wok fried string beans (干炒豆角 gān chǎo dòujiǎo)
- Red-braised pork belly (红烧肉 hóng shāo ròu)
- Garlic broccoli with goji berries (蒜蓉西兰花 suàn róng xīlánhuā)
- Cashew kung-pao chicken (宫保鸡丁 gōngbǎo jīdīng)
- Pine nut beef stir fry (松仁牛肉 sōngrén niúròu)
- And for dessert: Candied sweet potato with sweet cream (拔丝红薯 básī hóngshǔ)

If you just said "holy crap" (我靠 wǒkào) in your head you are well-justified. It was a ton of food for the four of us but we devoured most of it. My favorite were the potstickers. I love those anyway, but the pumpkin gave the filling a delectable creaminess that was a nice twist on the normal version. The crispy fried shiitakes with coriander were also outstanding, I thought.

The sweet potatoes were coated in hot liquid caramel, so you grab a piece with your chopsticks and dunk it in the ice cream to cool it off. This creates long strands of caramel as you pull it off the plate (which is why the dish is called 拔丝, bá sī: "pulling threads") and then it makes a shell of solidified sugar as the cream cools it off. Really yummy. I'd be remiss if I didn't also plug Jen's book, "Serve the People: A stir-fried journey through China," which is a great memoir of her time learning to cook all over the country (complete with recipes). The fact that she was in town when we were was pure serendipity, since she was back only briefly before returning to the Silk Road gathering material for another book.

Shunfeng 123
Worker's Stadium, West Gate
Chaoyang District, Beijing

My friend Rao, whose parents were keeping my stuff, organized a mini-reunion of some of our classmates from the no-longer-existent Foreign Language Normal College (外语师范学院, wàiyǔ shīfàn xuéyuàn) where I first went to China for a semester abroad in 1992. It was fun to see these guys, some of who were dorky romantics back in the day, now all grown up and organized with wives and jobs. But they still had a taste for fun and hanging out drinking the local Beijing swill, Er Guo Tou (二锅头 èrguōtóu), a 112-proof liquor loved by all for its extremely favorable cost-to-inebriation ratio.

I remembered that when I first met these guys, we were instructed by the school leaders not to discuss politics of any kind, and we were not to be seen walking around on the street with them (presumably to keep them from getting in trouble). Now of course, we can talk about anything and they can feel confident hanging out with morally bankrupt foreigners such as myself.

Rao set us up with a huge table at a restaurant that he is actually part owner of, called Shun Feng 123 (顺风 123, shùnfēng yī èr sān). This place is well-known for its Sichuan cuisine, and is an upscale joint just inside the western entrance to the Worker's Stadium (工人体育场 gōngrén tǐyùchǎng).

I did not keep track of all the dishes we had here, but I remember everything I had was really good. We were too busy reminiscing and drinking Er Guo Tou and making fun of each other. I do remember a spicy frog dish (I let that slide by on the lazy susan), and of course Ma Po Tofu, (麻婆豆腐 mápó dòufǔ) a classic Sichuan favorite. One feature of Sichuan dishes is the presence of a spice called Sichuan peppercorn, or sometimes prickly ash (花椒 huājiāo). It is a strange spice that basically makes your tongue and mouth numb. An acquired taste, but very unique and not to be missed.

After ShunFeng 123, a few of us headed to a bar, Frank's Place, nearby. This place was interesting in that it showed the international side of Beijing, where you could - almost - be anywhere in the world. We ordered Guinness, french fries, and chatted over heavy wooden pub tables. There were a few touches that let you know you were not in College Town, USA. First, you could smoke inside. Second, while the Guinness was a respectable 8-9 bucks, a bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon cost a mind-boggling $91 - that's US dollars mind you. We tried to figure out what the deal was, but no one had a good explanation. Someone should find out who PBR's marketing director for Asia is and hire them to do pretty much anything. Admittedly, it is not your average PBR tall-boy. It's called "Pabst Blue Ribbon 1844" and is a special brew only sold in China which comes in a fancy bottle. Still. It's PBR. Come on, China.

Great Leap Brewery and Hutong Pizza
Brewery: 6 Doujiao Hutong
Dongcheng District, Beijing
Pizza: 9 Yinding Qiao Hutong,
Dongcheng District, Beijing

While at the Black Sesame Kitchen, we were alerted to the presence of a real novelty, a Beijing microbrewery. After a morning at the Summer Palace, (颐和园, yíhéyuán), where my friend Mark and I procured awesome panda hats (see photo), we high-tailed it back to Dongcheng District to find the place: Great Leap Brewery. This was another hutong gem, located in Doujiao (Bean) Hutong (豆角胡同, dòujiǎo hútòng), in a courtyard behind a large steel door, engraved with the words "Great Leap Beer" (大跃啤酒 dàyuè píjiǔ). While the name seemed kind of distasteful, the beer was quite the opposite. The name undoubtedly refers to the "Great Leap Forward," (大跃进 dà yuè jìn), a political movement in China from 1958-1960 in which an estimated 30 million people starved to death. Mao had decided that drastic steps were needed to propel China into a full-blown Communist powerhouse, so he made everyone melt their metal items to produce "steel" in furnaces that burned everything people could get their hands on including their front doors. Meanwhile, idiotic agricultural techniques were enforced and tons of crops failed or were left to rot. ANYWAY, who knows what the owner was thinking, but like I said the beer was good.

The most distinctive was the Honey Ma Gold, which used the aforementioned Prickly Ash spice to create a little tingle in the aftertaste. They also had a decent porter and the IPA was tasty as well. We had to ask directions to the place, and the guy who led us to it was a local, but had never been in there. One of the staff (an American girl) said locals come by and check it out but don't really get the concept of a microbrewery.

"They either come by and bum a cigarette and leave, or else ask for the strongest, most expensive beer we have," she said.

While we were there, the hostess recommended "Hutong Pizza" (胡同比萨 hútòng bǐsà) for a food choice. We got veggie and meat 'zas, both of which were pretty good. They sure went well with the beers. Crust was a little dry, but overall it was enjoyable, and it was delivered to the brewery, which was key for hungry pandas.

Xian'r Lao Man
252 Andingmen Nei Dajie
Dongcheng District, Beijing

"Not to be missed" is all I can say about this place. Just a few blocks away from the Buddhist Lama Temple (雍和宫 Yōnghé Gōng), Xian'r Lao Man (馅老满 xiàn'r lǎo mǎn) is a well-known dumpling restaurant, with dozens of types of dumpling fillings to choose from. The first part of the place's name, Xiàn'r (馅) means filling. It is actually "xian" but since you are in Beijing you have to add the "er" at the end to be authentic in your accent. Being able to read (and speak) Chinese here is a must, otherwise you are stuck looking at the picture-menu, which does not help with the dumplings and only minimally with the other dishes.

You can order a minimum of 10 of each type of dumpling (饺子 jiǎozi), and you can either have them steamed or fried. We ordered fillings of egg and chives (鸡蛋韭菜 jīdàn jiǔcài), beef and fennel (牛肉茴香 niúròu huíxiāng), the Xianr Lao Man special filling (probably pork, egg, cabbage, shrimp and something), and cilantro and pork (香菜猪肉 xiāngcài zhūròu) (if memory serves). Not only are the dumplings delicious here, the other food is terrific too. But don't just take my word for it (<--links to fun foodie blog Beijing Haochi). We also ordered a plate of kung pao chicken and a bunch of other stuff including the yummy cold-dressed dried tofu strips (凉拌腐竹 liángbàn fǔzhú). Oh and the Beijing favorite, Noodles in Fermented Soy Bean Paste (炸酱面 zhàjiàngmiàn). So good. We also had a fiesty, cute waitress who served us up with a healthy portion of studied indifference. I was barked at when I asked her for an extra bowl.

That about wraps it up for Beijing. Stay tuned for the next installment, Chomping Thru China: Shanghai!

If you have any other thoughts about favorite restaurants, post them below, and thanks for reading!

Scroll deciphered (mostly)

2011-04-30T10:50:00.012-06:00

For our wedding, we received a beautiful antique-looking scroll (right) from a good family friend. The scroll is on yellowed paper, and shows a condor (eagle? vulture?) sitting on a tree branch and looking to the side with some calligraphy on the right side. There was not too much information about it, and we finally hung it up in the stairwell so I decided to do some research.

I could make out most of the first line of the poem, so I went and googled it. Turns out the poem was written by a Yuan Dynasty poet, Chen Ruzhi (陈汝秩 Chén Rúzhì), who died in 1385. There is little information on this guy besides that he was a poet and calligrapher and painter. His brother, Chen Ruyan (陈汝言, Chén Rúyán) may have been more successful since there is one of his landscape paintings in the Cleveland Museum of Art. All of the cool Chinese kids get their paintings in there after all. After some Googlage, I found out the poem says:

晚风吹雨过林庐
柿叶飘红手自书
无限潇潇江海意
一樽相对忆鲈鱼

(wǎn fēng chuī yǔ guò lín lú
shì yè piāo hóng shǒu zì shū
wú xiàn xiāo xiāo jiāng hǎi yì
yī zūn xiāng duì yì lú yú)

I am probably missing a lot of nuances here, but for what its worth, my translation is:

"The evening wind blows rain through the forest hut
Persimmon leaves blow red as my hand writes calligraphy
The limitless sounds convey the meanings of the rivers and seas
A jug of wine to face recollections of perch."

Ruzhi lived at the end of the Yuan and beginning of the Ming dynasties, in the 14th century. I can only wonder if "recollections of perch" is some kind of pun or political allegory, because otherwise it is slightly strange. Of course in the grand tradition of writing poetry, he was most likely hammered (hence the "jug of wine"). Personally I like the line, because I do have fond memories of fishing with my brothers and dad at Lake Champlain and catching perch - and pickerel and pike.

It is not clear when he wrote the poem, but his brother Ruyan was killed by imperial forces at the beginning of the Ming Dynasty after having served with the famous rebel leader Zhang Shicheng (张士诚 Zhāng Shìchéng). Zhang rose up against the Mongols of the Yuan, but was not successful enough to start his own dynasty and was defeated by the dude (Zhu Yuanzhang 朱元璋 Zhū Yuánzhāng) who ultimately started the Ming Dynasty in 1368. So perhaps the perch reference has something to do with that. Unknown.

ANYWAY, that is not to suggest that this scroll was painted or written in the 1300s, but the poem is from then. There is a name at the end of the poem, but I can't read it so I don't have a good way to find out much more.... for now. Stay tuned! Or if you have an idea let me know. Here is a closeup, the 2 characters above the red seals. Maybe it is a year designation?

UPDATE: I believe the first character is 葵 (kuí) meaning sunflower, also a rare surname. According to Baidu, people with the Chinese surname Kui account for 0.005% of the population, or about 60,000 people, mostly in Henan Province. That narrows it down a little!

葵 is also "Aoi," a Japanese name. Hmm.

ANOTHER UPDATE: OK, I think I got it, although it does not answer the real question of who painted this and when. I think the characters say Kuitang (葵塘 kuítáng), which is a small town in either Guangdong Province, or there is also one in Guangxi Autonomous Region, could be either one.

China: At last!

2011-04-06T18:41:00.026-06:00

After 12 years, I finally returned to China for a two-week visit! Michala and I met up with our friends Mark and Lisa for an awesome time hitting Beijing, Shanghai, and Xiamen with them before M and I moved on to the small city of Yangshuo (阳朔, Yángshuò) in Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region (廣西壯族自治區Guǎngxī Zhuàngzú zìzhìqū).

It is hard to sum up in a few sentences the feeling of returning to China after so long, but suffice it to say that it felt like going home, like going for the first time, like digging around in my past, and like opening a window on the future. As always it is place of great contrasts. Take these two photos for example. Above: A detail from the Great Wall (cháng chéng, 长城) at Mutianyu (Mùtiányù, 慕田峪). Majestic, beautiful, full of history and intrigue, a place of solitude and somewhere I could probably go everyday. Then, on the other end of the spectrum - this apocalypse-ready signage, seen on the side of a public bathroom in an alleyway (My caption). Slightly ridiculous, kind of gross, and frankly a bit frightening.

My only guess is that the signs were placed there ahead of the Olympics, in order to discourage foreigners from going in there - without their gas masks and safety harness, which in theory will prevent you from the "Daop down" into the cesspits in case of catastrophic failure of the "Ovntilating" system.

In spite of the bathroom situation, and the eternal search of my comrades for what we called a "Western deucer," we all had a good time. More evidence I had been gone a long time appeared in the form of Beijing traffic. When I left in 1999, there were three ring roads around the city, with a fourth being constructed. Today there are six, with the Sixth Ring Road (六环路, liù huán lù) having a circumference of about 200 km. Apparently a seventh is on the way. The traffic was also terrible. It took forever to get anywhere by taxi and some cabbies even flat out refused to take us certain places during rush hour.

One important thing I did in Beijing was to retrieve my trumpet. I had left a bunch of stuff (3 boxes worth) at my friend's house. Among these boxes of mostly junk was my trumpet, a nice nickel silver horn that I have had since grade school. It is a beauty and it was fun to reunite with it, although I need to get it cleaned.

Shanghai was like an alien spaceport. I had never spent much time there, but it had obviously changed a lot. For one thing the buildings all had ads on them. I don't mean billboards, I mean entire buildings that were 60-100 stories tall lit up and ads and graphics danced across the surface as millions of tiny lights on the sides of the buildings, acting like huge monitors.

I'd never been to Xiamen (厦门, Xiàmén) before, and we only stayed there for one full day. The main thing we saw there was Gulangyu (鼓浪屿, Gǔlàngyǔ), which was a small island, near the city of Xiamen, which is also an island.

There was a funny scene where I purchased tickets for the "ferry" across to Gulangyu. I paid for the tickets, but received no tickets. The girl came out of the ticket office and led us to a dock where there sat a large Mark-Twain-ish style river boat, which we approached and got ready to board. "No that's the boat that goes around the island," she said.

She led us to the other side of he dock, where there was some kind of tug boat or fishing rig, maybe 30 feet long. We shrugged as the woman indicated we should get on. Not as good as the other boat, but OK, we were all up for the experience. Then she says we should keep going! So we walked across the deck where there was a small 12-foot motor boat with a teenager behind the wheel. "That's your boat," she said. Fortunately the ride was only about 30 seconds long and waters were fairly calm.

After Xiamen, Mark and Lisa rejoined their cruise, and M and I went on to Yangshuo in Guangxi. This is a spectacular place to visit, for the weird, tree covered limestone karst mountains that are everywhere. More on that place later!

In all, it was a great trip. I had sort of assumed that the China chapter of my life was complete, but now I am not so sure. It is still a fascinating country, and the fact that my spoken Mandarin was still in good shape was encouraging. The fact that Michala liked it there and had a good time was also a good sign for future dealings with the place. We also met up with several friends that I had not seen in years, so that was also great to re-activate those relationships.

Mark summed it up nicely, when I was talking about having not been back for so long. He said: "It was time." I owe a special thanks to Mark and Lisa for making the trip actually happen. I guess we'll see what the future brings. Looking forward to more trips to the dynamic, wacky, frustrating and inspiring, ancient and modern country of China, land of contrasts. As I write, things are springing to mind, so hopefully more detailed posts will follow in the not too distant future.

Been a long time since I blogged and rolled

2011-02-09T10:16:00.008-07:00

Me: Forgive me Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been like four months since my last blog session.

Blog: Infidel! How dare you ignore me? Have two Bloody Marys and say one Our Blogger and you are forgiven. In nomini blogii y googlii y webus sanctii, amen.

OK, now that I got that out of the way, here is my new blog post.

Recently I found out that my friend Dewey Webster is working on the Seattle Chinese Garden. This project is really cool. It is an effort to construct an authentic Chinese garden and courtyards in Seattle.

Of course no Chinese courtyard is without that staple of Occidental entryways: the couplet. Oftentimes on either side of an entryway to a courtyard or other doorway, you will see plaques with vertical lines of writing on them. The couplets are poems that are supposed to say something about the place they are hung at.

Dewey sent me pictures of the various couplets, as well as the overhead plaques that say what area you are entering, and asked if I wanted to take a crack at translating some of them. How could I resist? Not only is it a great reason to update the blog, it is a way to be a part of a cool project. So, here are the couplets.

Note: The plaques are written traditionally, right to left, and top to bottom. For my own intense porpoises, I have converted to regular left to right.

西华园
Xi Hua Yuan
Looks simple enough, right? Wrong! Literally this says Western Glory Garden. However, the “western” refers not only to the West as in the USA, but Seattle, whose Chinese name is “西 Xi Ya Tu.” This is a phonetic translation, which literally means Picture of Western Grace. I have also heard a take-off transliteration of Seattle : “si ya tou,” which honestly sounds closer phonetically, but it means “dead slave girl” so for some reason it fell out of favor with the locals.
The word 华, glory, also means “China,” so the place is called West Glory Garden, but also Seattle-China Garden.

On either side of this entrance is the following couplet:
Right side:
西窗烛剪巴山雨 (xī chuāng zhú jiǎn bā shān yǔ)
This took me a while to figure out. Basically it says

"Cutting candles by the Western window, the rain over Ba Mountain."
Ba Mountain seems to refer to Sichuan. The reason I say that is because of this old poem by Tang Dynasty poet Li Shangyin (李商隐), upon which the couplet seems to be based:

君问归期未有期 (jūn wèn guī qī wèi yǒu qī)

巴山夜雨涨秋池 (bā shān yè yǔ zhǎng qiū chí)

何当共剪西窗烛 (hé dāng gòng jiǎn xī chuāng zhú)

却话巴山夜雨时 (què huà bā shān yè yǔ shí)

You ask when will I return, but I don't know,

The night rain of Ba Shan fills autumnal pools.

When will we be together again, clipping candles in the Western window,

So we can talk about the night rain of Ba Shan?

Not to be confused with 巴山夜雨 "Evening Rain" a movie from the 1980s about the Cultural Revolution.

Left side:
华萼香漂海国春 (huá è xiāng piāo hǎi guó chūn)
"The fragrance of Chinese flowers drifts into spring overseas"
This was interesting because like I said before 华 (hua2) means both "flower," glorious" and is also short for "China." The whole theme of this garden is the confluence of China and the USA. After all, Chongqing is the sister city of Seattle. So it could be "Glorious flowers" but I say "Chinese flowers." The other pun here is 海国 (hai3 guo2). 海 means "ocean" and 国 means "country," so together they could mean "overseas." But consider the word "Sea-attle." The Sea-Country.

End of Part One (in the interest of posting once before I return to China in March!)

From the archives

2010-10-14T20:49:00.008-06:00

I just came back from visiting my mom and while there I came across an amazing archaeological find from the year 1996!

That year, I was living in China, working as a "foreign expert" (外国专家 wài guó zhuān jiā) at the magazine "China Today" (今日中国, jīn rì zhōng guó). I was also studying kungfu (功夫, gōng fu) with an informal class that met under a bridge in Beijing. One of my classmates there was a student at Beijing Film Institute, and mentioned that a film crew from Beijing Television was looking for a few foreigners to be in a TV show about the Long March (长征, cháng zhēng). It was the 60th anniversary of the end of the Long March, which was a massive military retreat across 10,000 km of Chinese countryside by the Red Army (红军, hóng jūn), as they were evading the Nationalists, aka KMT or Kuomintang (国民党, guó mín dǎng).

Never one to turn down weird opportunities, I agreed and went to check it out.

The result was a 40 day journey into the heart of rural China, complete with film crew drama, wacky drunken dinners, loads of propaganda and a cute panda named Didi.

This time visiting my mom, not only did we discover the tape of the show that finally aired on BTV, Mom found my journal from the trip, which I had assumed was lost with the rest of my stuff which I left at my friend's house when I left China in 1999. Needless to say I will try to write this up as an anecdote. Here is a teaser:

On the way to the chain bridge crossing (泸定桥 lú dìng qiáo), we decided to stop by the Wolong Nature Preserve (卧龙自然保护区, wò lóng zì rán bǎo hù qū). It wasn’t actually part of the Long March, but everyone was tired and we all needed to do something fun. The other option, actually more tempting, was to visit Jiuzhaigou (九寨沟, jiǔ zhài gōu) a truly wild place, with basically no people. Several tourists are lost there each year, it was said.

But Wolong turned out to be one of the most memorable places we visited. The cages and offices were not very upscale, and it was really a question of not having enough money. But you could tell that the guys who worked in the place really cared for the bears. They had their protein cookies and milk porridge, and they all had names.

The main caretaker warned us not to reach into the cages, because although the pandas look very cute, they can be violent. He said that a tourist came to Wolong a few years ago and tried to play with a panda—and got half his face ripped off by the big teddy bear.

But there was one panda on the premises who had been brought up in captivity so was fairly docile and familiar with people. Her name was Didi.

The most exciting part was when we were allowed into the cage with Didi. There she was, sitting on her concrete pedestal, holding a stalk of bamboo and munching to her heart’s content. She looked harmless enough. Actually she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. The keeper was very specific in his instructions about what we could and could not do.

“ONLY pet her on the back, and from top to bottom,” he said.

But the reality of the situation was much more difficult than that. When you are standing in a cage with a panda bear, you realize how unbelievably cute and cuddly they really are. Didi was about four feet high while sitting, and she sat just like a teddy bear, with pads facing out, sitting up, and front paws grasping the bamboo shoots.
I maneuvered around back of her, and the guy gave me the OK to begin petting. Her fur was a little oily. I noticed her ears, round furry medallions that needed a scratch, and would just fit in the round part of my hand. My hand drifted up toward her head…
“Don’t touch the ears!” the guy yelled into the cage.

All right, all right. I moved my hand down her back. But then her paws were so inviting, the scaly pads and furry toes called to my fingers. Surely, if I just …
“Don’t touch her paws!” he snapped.

Grinning like an idiot, I went back to her back, but then it was time for me to get out of the cage. I posed for one last picture with Didi, and then I had to say goodbye. She seemed completely unfazed and continued chewing her bamboo. I left the cage but I will never forget her and her beautiful, forbidden ears.

Animal House 2: Circling the dragon, whale sharks and wild dogs

2010-08-05T11:39:00.018-06:00

In addition to my duties learning about the various nasty things that can happen to your dog or cat (or bird) at the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) convention recently in Atlanta, Ga., I took the small luxury of attending a few extra-curricular classes on aquatic life, an endangered species, and animal acupuncture.

FOUS: Fishes Of Unusual Size
Trixie is 25 feet long, weighs 2,000 kilograms, and doesn't like to go in the stretcher for her medical check-ups. She came from Taiwan in a giant 25,000-pound ziploc bag filled with water. (Not really, it was a high-tech UPS container). I learned about her and the Georgia Aquarium's three other whale sharks: Yu Shan, Taroko and Alice at a session called "Whale Shark Care."

These creatures, the largest of the sharks, can grow to over 60 feet long and require 2,000 gallons of the anesthetic agent MS 222 delivered by a machine called Mega S.N.U.Z. in order to do anything to them. This includes gill slit checks; blood collection; and the all-important "vent flush." They can fully retract their eye to the point where it looks like they don't have one, and the four animals at the Georgia Aquarium are the only ones on display outside of Asia.

It was cool to learn about them, but even better was a fundraiser later that night at the aquarium where I got to see these things up close. They are very large, and walking through an acrylic tube at the bottom of the 6.3-million gallon tank, sipping a glass of wine while Trixie and company floated by overhead was pretty awesome.

Acupuncture: Not just fluffy needles
Having recently embarked upon my own acupuncture (针灸, zhēn jiǔ) adventure for a knee problem, I was curious to see what the veterinary world had to say about the ancient technique. I admit I was expecting some vague, new-agey stuff about animal meridians, but I soon found myself scratching my head over a detailed scientific lecture.

I learned that this 4,000-year-old technique of stimulating points along the body reduces production of Substance P, which is a neuropeptide that plays a key role in the up-regulation of the inflammatory cascade and helps transmit pain signals to the brain. (I think P stands for Pain). Acupuncture also deactivates parts of the limbic system, which is linked to the emotional aspect of pain. Acupuncture reduces the presence of certain excitatory neurotransmitters (神经递质, shén jīng dì zhì ) in the dorsal horn of the spinal cord (part of the grey matter inside the spinal cord that helps transmit pain signals). And last but not least, when they stick the little needles in you (or your pup) it releases awesome things called endogenous opioids. Those make you feel good.

Like lots of things in science and medicine, nobody seems to know exactly how it works, but it does. This includes the process of "circling the dragon," which is placing the acupuncture needles around the wound or painful area and (optionally) electrifying the needles. I had this done to my knee as well, and while weird, it did help reduce swelling and pain for a while.

Let's get wild, dogs
Another session I went to was on the endangered species known as the African Wild Dog (非洲野狗, fēi zhōu yě gǒu). Like I mentioned in my post about the Asiatic Wild Ass, the "Wild" is said as if it were the first part of an adjective, "wild-dog." These are one of the only canids (dog-like) animals in Africa, and they have giant ears and they are super fast runners. (Hyenas are in their own category, they are not canids).

Wild Dogs mainly eat impala ("the hamburger of the Okavanga Delta"), and only about 3,000-5,000 Wild Dogs are still left in the wild. The Wild Dogs are one of the most efficient and successful hunters in Africa.

They have a 44% success rate on their hunts (really good considering the others: lion: 27%; hyena: 35%; and the cheetah: a dismal 4%!), and they can kill a wild wart hog in 30 seconds. They are very social and take care of their very young and old pack members (by puking up impala back at the homestead for them), but despite that they are hated by people, even though there has never been a reported attack on a human. Even lions hate them and will leave a kill (which they rarely do) to go and kill a Wild Dog. Jerks. Hopefully the Wild Dog will survive and make a comeback. Everyone loves an Underdog Wild Dog.

Finally, not to be too morbid, I went to a few sessions on animal hospice care. Yes, they have that. I just have to mention it because of one session: "creative euthanasia techniques." I imagined all kinds of crazy Rube Goldberg death apparatuses and lethal cocktails and stuff, but the presenter mostly talked about how to handle clients' grief and being accommodating about where they want to do it (like in their minivan in one case, since the dog loved the minivan.) The presenter was very cool and good and was all about doing the right thing in terms of euthanasia. She said: "The last thing I want is for the patient to have a bad experience with me before going to Heaven. Who knows who they're gonna talk to?"

Oh yeah, and there is a euthanasia drug marketed as "Fatal Plus." What would the advertising jingle be for that? The next conference is in January. We'll have to see what zany topics come up there. Stay tuned!

Hua Quan : How to get drunk in Chinese

2010-06-10T07:31:00.003-06:00

Michala recently had surgery on her ankle to repair damage to the cartilage in there. Having just had her cast removed last week, I noticed the twin scars on her ankle form a nice version of the Chinese character for 8: 八 (bā).

This is considered a lucky character. I was going to say the reason why is because it is a pseudo-homonym with the word 发 (fā) as in 发财 (fācái), "to get rich." But I am going to do a little research to see if that is true or not. ... Okay, essentially that is the answer, but my research has jogged my memory and led me in another direction.

Many numbers in Chinese culture have significance, but nowhere is this more evident - and important - than in the Chinese drinking game of "Guessing Fingers" (划拳 huáquán or 猜拳 cāiquán).

Guessing Fingers is akin to Rock-Paper-Scissors, in that the players present some configuration of their hand to their opponent, and both players have to guess what the other player's hand configuration is going to be. In "Guessing Fingers," the hand configurations are basically 0-5 fingers extended. The goal is to guess what the total number of fingers extended will be: yours plus your opponent's. Both players have to call out their guess as they throw out their fingers.

For example, if you are going to throw 2 fingers, you might guess 6. So you both throw out your fingers, and as you do, you yell "6 obediences!" (it makes sense later*) and the other guy yells "5 greats!" If he extended 4 fingers, you win the round (4+2=6) and the other guy takes a drink. If he extended 3 fingers, he wins and you drink. If nobody won, you keep going.

Being a math whiz, I would often throw out 5 fingers and yell "4!" which is of course idiotic. This is known as "yellow hand" 黄拳 (huang2 quan2), and costs you a drink. Another penalty is if you change your throw after you see the opponent's hand.

*Now, calling out your guess is not just a simple matter of saying a number and sticking out your hand. You can play that way but it is slightly lame. In truth, each number has a saying or phrase that goes along with it. Below are a few of the sayings and what they mean (there are many variations), as well as the proper ways to display each number with your hand. Grab a drink and read on!

Each round starts with "the hat" (帽子 mào zi). The hat is a phrase that both players chant together so they have the same rhythm and cadence as they continue the game.

Some hats:
兄弟好, 好兄弟 (xiōng dì hǎo, hǎo xiōng dì)
The brothers are good, good are the brothers

全福寿啊, 福寿全 (quán fú shòu ah, fú shòu quán)
Everybody's lucky and lives long, Lucky long life everybody (doesn't flow as well in English does it?)

哥俩好啊 (gē'r liá hǎo ah)
Two brothers friendly (this is the one we always used in Beijing)

----OK, on to the numbers! ----

Zero (closed fist) -
不伸 (bu4 shen1) "Nothing extended." Pretty straightforward.
We usually just said 没有 (mei3 you3), "none."

One (thumb only) -
一条龙 (yī tiǎo lóng) "One dragon." Sounds cool.
一心敬 (yī xīn jìng) "We toast as one." Supposedly from a Du Fu poem.

Two (thumb and forefinger) -
两相好 (liǎng xiāng hǎo) "Both sides friendly." A sign of camaraderie while getting hammered together. I love you, man!
哥俩好 (gē'r liá hǎo) "Two brothers friendly." Also used in the "hat."

Three (the "OK" sign) -
三星照 (sān xīng zhào) "Three stars shining down." This refers to the three Taoist deities of Fortune (福 fú), Wealth (禄 lù) and Longevity (寿 shòu), which also correspond to ancient constellations in Chinese astronomy.

Four (hand flat out, but forefinger bent in half) -
四鸿喜 (si4 hong2 xi3) "Four great happinesses." For the ancients, the four great happinesses were: 久旱逢甘雨 (jiǔ hàn féng gān yǔ) Sweet rain after a long drought; 他乡遇故知 (tā xiāng yù gù zhī) Meeting an old friend in a faraway place; 洞房花烛夜 (dòng fáng huā zhú yè) One's wedding night (literally "night of lighting a candle in the secret bridal chamber"); and 金榜题名时 (jīn bǎng tí míng shí) Having your name appear on the list of successful imperial examinees for becoming an official. Not to be confused with the Five Great Happinesses of Being a Guy: 拉急尿; 屙急屎; 日屄; 搔痒; 掏耳屎. ("Taking an urgent #1, taking an urgent #2; having sex; scratching an itch; and picking your ear." I learned those at school in Nanjing. I should say I learned that saying at school in Nanjing.)

Five (all fingers extended) -
五魁首 (wǔ kuí shǒu) "Five greats." This probably refers to the Five Classics (五經 wǔ jīng) of Chinese literature: 诗经 (shī jīng, Book of Songs); 书经 (shū jīng, Book of History); 易经 (yì jīng, Book of Changes, aka I Ching); 礼记 (lǐ jì, Classic of Rites); and 春秋 (chūn qiū, Spring and Autumn Annals)

Six - 六大顺 (liù dà shùn) "Six obediences." According to the "左传" (zuǒ zhuàn, Zuo's Commentary on the Spring and Autumn Annals), the six obediences are: 君义, 臣行, 父慈, 子孝, 兄爱, 弟敬 (jūn yì, chén xíng, fù cí, zǐ xiào, xiōng ài, dì jìng): "The ruler is righteous; the minister acts appropriately; the father is gentle; the son is dutiful; the older brother is loving; the younger brother is respectful." Usually when I played, we would just say 六六六六 (liù liù liù liù "6,6,6,6!"). Slightly less literary.

Seven - 七个巧 (qī gè qiǎo) "Seven skills." This is a pun, and refers to 七夕节 (qī xī jié) Seventh Night Festival, or Qixi Festival. It falls on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month, and on this day, the literally star-crossed lovers 牛郎 (niú láng, Cow Boy, aka the star Altair) and 织女 (zhīnǚ, Weaver Girl, aka Vega) are allowed to see each other by crossing the magpie bridge over the Milky Way. Another name for the festival is 乞巧节 (qǐ qiǎo jié) "Beg for Skills Festival," since young girls are supposed to beg Weaver Girl for better sewing and other domestic skills. The words for "beg" and "seven" sound similar, hence the pun.
Or, 七仙女 (qī xiān nǚ) "Seven immortal maidens." This refers to the seven magical daughters of the Jade Emperor. They make an appearance in the classical novel "Journey to the West" (西游记 xī yóu jì). In the story, the Monkey King (孙悟空 sūn wù kōng) ruins the Great Immortal Peach Festival by eating all of the immortal peaches in the Jade Emperor's garden. The seven immortal maidens were supposed to gather said peaches but Monkey ate most of them so the festival is ruined! Bad Monkey!

Eight - 八匹马 (bā pī mǎ) "Eight horses." According to legend, during the Western Zhou Dynasty (c. 1100- 771 BC) King Mu (周穆王 Zhōu Mù Wáng) traveled in a chariot pulled by 8 horses far to the western reaches of his land, eventually reaching the Jade Lake (瑶池 yáo chí) on Mount Kunlun (昆仑山 kūn lún shān). This was the domain of a goddess, the Queen Mother of the West (西王母 xī wáng mǔ). She was also the keeper of the Peaches of Immortality mentioned above. They hung out and had a few feasts together then he returned to the kingdom with a promise to go back to her. However, he apparently never did, even though he lived to be 105. Typical.

Nine - 快喝酒 (kuài hē jiǔ) "Hurry up and drink!" The word for alcohol (酒 jiǔ) sounds exactly the same as the word for 9 (九 jiǔ).

Ten - 满堂红 (mǎn táng hóng) Expression meaning "complete success in everything."
全来 - (quán lái) - "All of 'em!"
十全十美 (shí quán shí měi) - Expression meaning "perfect in every way." Literally "10 complete and 10 beautiful." 10 means "totally" in this context.

Well, there you go. As my Grandma Liz would say, "that's more about penguins than you ever wanted to know about penguins." Now start playing!

------------
References:
http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/18101061.html
http://www.hudong.com/wiki/%E5%88%92%E6%8B%B3

Pitches, pitches

2010-06-04T09:40:00.008-06:00

The translation gig has been quiet for the last few weeks, so I have been busy with other writing projects, but not my blogging obviously. I have now finished three works of fiction: 2 short stories and 1 novel.

Short stories:
"Xenovet"
Dr. Van is a semi-depressed, space-station based veterinarian who treats the companion alien animals that residents keep as pets. But a series of visions he has while treating his alien patients leads him on a search for the dark truth behind where the creatures came from.

"The Polar Ace"
A mysterious paleontological dig in Greenland, a ship plagued by a sinister shipment of cargo, and a desperate dude looking to pay off his debts with a Central Asian criminal consortium all come together in a futuristic action-packed romp through two oceans and multiple time zones.

Novel:
"The Sky Stone of Tombouctou"
Waverly Yancy is almost a typical 13-year-old. He loves computer games, his parents can be annoying, and he doesn’t quite fit in. He lives in a ritzy suburban Connecticut suburb, but he’s one of the only non-white kids in his school. It doesn’t help that when he encounters a bully on the way home from school, a strange awareness awakens in him.

Then, his discovery of a peculiar amulet in the freezer, clues from his grandmomma about the family’s arcane past, and his parents’ decision to trace the family’s ancestry back to its African roots in the mystery-shrouded land of Timbuktu, all add up to a thrilling adventure of a lifetime for Waverly. But the journey into the heart of Africa is only the beginning...

The Sky Stone of Tombouctou is a completed 75,000-word young adult fantasy novel set in the present day, and is ready for representation.

World of Deadcraft

2010-04-07T09:17:00.016-06:00

Many cultures have something going on in the Spring. Last weekend was Easter, when Jesus rose from his tomb and trans-substantiated into a chocolate-egg-laying rabbit. It was also Passover, the Anti-Yeast Festival of the Jewish tradition. Of course let's not forget Nowruz, aka Zoroastrian Spring Break; and of course Egyptian Fun Day Sham el-Nessim.

Meanwhile, in China, they had the Tomb-Sweeping Festival, (清明节 qing1 ming2 jie2). This is the holiday on which you are supposed to go to the tomb or grave of your ancestors and clean it off, pull out the weeds around it, place flowers, burn incense and spirit money (legal tender in the underworld), and generally pay your respects to the departed. It takes place 15 days after the vernal equinox (chun1 fen1 春分). It is an ancient traditional holiday, but it only became a recognized national holiday in 2008.

Of course real graves and tombs are expensive, and who has time to go to the cemetery anyway? Enter the e-Tomb.

A website has sprung up, 1000soul.com, where users can create accounts and set up virtual tombs in virtual graveyards all over virtual China. Then they can go and virtually do stuff at the grave, like pray, offer incense or place gifts. At the bottom of the home page is a counter. It says (as of this week):

Birth count (chu1 sheng1 tong3 ji4 出生统计): 107395824161

Death count (si3 wang2 tong3 ji4 死亡统计): 100552766469　

Dearly departed in residence: (gu4 ren2 jin4 zhu4 故人进驻): 19285

So there is lots of room for expansion!

On the site, you can click on a map of China (there is also an overseas section) to select the region where you want the tomb to be. Then a virtual graveyard complex pops up (shown in the picture above) and you can scroll around and select which part of the 'Net necropolis you want to set up the tomb in. Once you click in, you can see a bunch of graves that already have monuments in them, and other vacant spots. You can choose one of the vacant spots for your online ossuary, or you can visit a grave that has already been set up.

The layout looks like a game map, which adds to the overall strangeness. Then, once you are zoomed into a specific grave it looks even more like a game (second picture (names removed to protect the cyberdead)). There are multiple icons all over the screen, but instead of spells and weapons like in World of Warcraft, you can select different flower arrangements, incense, food offerings or other objects to place at the grave site. Some of these are free, and other gifts and offerings can be unlocked by paying real money for them.

At graveside, there is also a Facebook-like news feed with recent activity for that particular pixellated polyandrium. (Sorry.) Just for fun, I tried clicking on the button labeled "Quick Grave Set-up," (kuai4 su4 jian4 mu4 快速建墓) but it asked me to register or log in first.

Is it modern apathy at its worst? Or is this in-silico interment a clever invention to suit the globalized world? You be the judge.

Year of Le Tigre

2010-02-24T10:39:00.002-07:00

It's that time of year again, when another zany animal from the Chinese zodiac lopes into the scene. This time, it's the Year of the Tiger (hu3 nian2 虎年)! Rawwr!

Minor Digression: Tiger Woods' parents should have seen this coming. Tiger recently issued an emotional apology to all of his fans and sponsors and lady friends. If he had only paid attention to a few simple and obvious details, he probably could have avoided all of this trouble. You see, 2010 is the Year of the Tiger, but not just any tiger - the Metal Tiger. The Wood Tiger's year will not roll around until 2035, which is when Tiger Woods will really shine, probably on the Seniors Tour. See, Tiger was born in 1975, part of which was a Wood Tiger year. But our Tiges was born in December, a full 10 months after the year switched from tiger to rabbit. Although the phase of that rabbit year was still wood.

Major Digression: Wooden rabbit. 1975. Can anybody see the connection here? Okay, I admit. I had to Google what year "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" came out, but yes it was 1975, and the film features a wooden rabbit (No, not the killer rabbit of Caerbannog. What is wrong with you nerds?) that is created as a Trojan horse to sneak into the French Person's castle. Were the Monty Python crew taking a pot shot at traditional Chinese astrology? We don't know for sure. But the connection is intriguing.

Post Regression: Is anyone confused yet? Okay, so most people know about the Chinese animal years, Pig, Chicken, Rat, Ox, Sloth, Fruit Bat, etc. But the animals are merely the tip of the astrological iceberg. In addition to the 12-year animal merry-go-round, there is also a 60-year cycle in Chinese astrology, which is made up of 60 different combinations of the 10 Heavenly Stems (天干 tian1 gan1) and the 12 Earthly Branches (地支, di4 zhi1). These were created several thousand years ago as ways of simply keeping track of time, and as a way of fortune telling.

Each Earthly Branch corresponds to one of the animals (which have characteristics used in fortune telling), and the Heavenly Stems are associated with the negative and positive (yin and yang) aspects of each of the 5 Elements or Phases (wu3 xing2 五行): Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water. So once you have gone through each permutation, a 60-year, or sexagenary, cycle is complete.

The more I read about this the more confusing it gets, so I will try to keep it simple for my own sake. This year in the cycle is the 庚寅年 (geng1 yin2 nian2), which is the 7th Heavenly Stem, 3rd Earthly Branch. It is the 27th year of the current 60-year cycle, and the 庚 represents Yang (positive) and metal, while the 寅 represents the Tiger and all of its characteristics.

According to the Chinese Culture Center of San Francisco, Tigers are suspicious, short-tempered, sensitive, have trouble with authority, indecisive, and unlike wooden rabbits, are generally bad at golf.

Tiger-related Note: I just read on the Language Log website that a popular saying this year for Valentine's Day (mostly in advertisements) was "I 老虎 you," where 老虎 (lao3 hu3), which means "tiger," sounds like a terribly pronounced version of the English word "love." And since Valentine's Day was the first day of the new year it was especially clever.

Temple of Womb

2010-02-10T13:46:00.006-07:00

Recently a translation job took me from the banal world of college diplomas, deep into the uncharted and lawless hills of northeastern China.

The document was hand-scrawled on official government stationary from an area of Yi County (义县 yi4 xian4) in Liaoning Province (辽宁省 liao2 ning2 sheng3). Since it was written by hand, this thing was a little hard to decipher. There was a clue on the paper, though, where it said the name of the town, printed at the top of the page: Dizang Temple Manchu Village (地藏寺满族乡di4 zang4 si4 man3 zu2 xiang1). First I looked up Dizang Temple.

Turns out it is a Buddhist temple, and Dizang can also be translated as Ksitigarbha, a Sanskrit name. He is a bodhisattva (an enlightened person who tries to help others), and 地藏 (Dizang) is actually a translation of Ksitigarbha, which means Earth Store or Earth Treasure or Earth Womb (hence the witty titular pun of this post. Actually there is an even subtler connection there, to be described below!).

According to the Internet, the Dizang Temple in this village was founded by Manchurian chieftain Nurhachi (努尔哈赤 nu4 er3 ha1 chi4) in the 16th-17th century. He was famous for creating the written form of the Manchu script, and as the father of the Qing Dynasty.

Also, he is the same Nurhachi whose ashes appear in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, when Indy trades them for a large diamond in Shanghai!

As Hannibal used to say on the A-Team, I love it when a blog comes together.

Whither google.cn?

2010-01-14T10:32:00.010-07:00

As you may have heard, in the last few days, Google has been having some domestic issues with Big Mama China. Google suggests that it was infiltrated by Chinese government hackers in an attempt to discover email addresses of Chinese human rights advocates. They said the attack also resulted in some unspecified "intellectual property" being stolen.

The result is that the company may be closing down their Chinese version of Google, which is google.cn, unless China allows them to put up uncensored search results. I can't see how that would happen.

Anyway, it would really suck for me because I use Chinese Google all the time for translation work. So in premature memoriam of google.cn, I now offer a little bit of Chinese googling trivia.

Mystery! Today's (Jan. 14, 2010) Google doodle (where they change the logo into a picture) on google.cn is the Four Great Inventions (四大发明, si4 da4 fa1 ming2). Usually there is some holiday or birthday or something to warrant a doodle. But why is this here? The Four Great Inventions (in the Chinese context) are Paper (造纸术 zao4 zhi3 shu4), the Compass (指南针 zhi3 nan2 zhen4), Gunpowder (火药 huo3 yao4), and Movable Type Printing (活字印刷术, huo3 zi4 yin1 shua1 shu4). Yes, Gutenberg, the Chinese did that first, too. So the question is: Why? Theories as to what they are trying to say:

1) The Internet (or Google) is a great invention, too, so don't make us leave you, China.
2) The letters of the logo that are altered are "Go" and "le." This could be a very strange Chinglishy way of saying "we are going," ie, "go 了" (了 (le) is just a modifier of the verb). Or, it could be a phonetic way of saying "Enough!" (够了, gou4 le).
3) It is a way of saying "We love China! It is soo smart!" in a last ditch effort to bribe the Central Government with Google doodles.

Google in Chinese is 谷歌 (gu3 ge1), which means "Valley Song." But mostly it is just phoeneticization of "Google."
Censorship? I wanted to test how censored the Chinese Google is. So I plugged in the phrase 六四事件 (liu4 si4 shi4 jian4) into both the mainland and the Taiwanese version of Google. 六四事件 is literally the "6-4 Incident," or June 4 Incident, meaning the Tian'anmen Square massacre on June 4, 1989. The mainland version actually came back with about 3 million results. But the top hit is an interview with Premier Zhu Rongji, who says that "I think that China now has enough democracy, so something like (the June 4 Incident) could not happen again."

A Taiwan Google (google.com.tw) search of the same term, on the other hand, produces more than 11 million results. The top one? The Chinese Wikipedia entry for the Tian'anmen Incident. Talk about freedom of speech. Plus it shows YouTube videos and all kinds of stuff about the massacre. So yes, the mainland version is definitely censored. To be fair, the google.cn version of the results page does say at the bottom: "Due to local government laws and regulations, some search results are not displayed."

Chinese diploma, see?

2009-11-13T11:34:00.008-07:00

I was just working on a translation of a college transcript, and learned two interesting things that I thought I would share with the universe.

Not all diplomas are created equal
I have found that there are three different types of certificate issued by Chinese universities.

1) Diploma - 毕业证书 (bi4 ye4 zheng4 shu1) - GOOD. This is for students who have completed and passed all of their classes. The best type of certificate to have, it is accompanied by an academic degree certificate, BS, BA, MA, etc.

2) Certificate of Completion of Studies - 结业证书 (jie2 ye4 zheng4 shu1) MEH. This means that the student has completed all of their classes, but has not passed all of the classes, or at least they didn't pass their graduation test. I am not completely sure, but it means the student did not pass something and therefore does not qualify for graduation, but they did complete everything. Not a good thing to have, altho probably better than nothing.

3) Certificate of Study - 肄业证书 (yi4 ye4 zheng4 shu1) - BAD. This is apparently the worst type of certificate to have. I've only ever seen one out of the hundreds of academic documents I have translated. According to the Internet, it is worse than not having anything at all. Basically this says that yes, this person did study at this school, but they did not finish school. Here is what happens when you present this piece of crap at a job interview:
"But, Mr. Interviewer for a Good Job, I didn't finish because I ---"
"Zup! Zip! I don't want to hear it. Thanks for coming in today. Bye."
"But I -"
"Zup." [pinches lips shut as a subtle message]

Progress in the classroom!
OK, that is a very subjective statement, but I am basing it on a transcript from 2008, which had some classes I have not really seen before. Oh, there was the usual 马克思主义基本原理 (ma3 ke4 si1 zhu3 yi4 ji1 ben3 yuan2 li3), Basic Principles of Marxism, but then right under that was
儒道佛文化及其精神 (ru2 dao4 fo2 wen2 hua4 ji2 qi2 jing1 shen2), which is Confucian, Taoist and Buddhist Culture and Spirit. In the transcripts I usually translate, which are usually from the 1990s or before, I have never seen that class listed. The fact that it is taught now is kind of cool. I mean you still have all of the Communist BS, but at least they are branching out. And then I was really surprised to see this class: 动物福利 (dong4 wu4 fu2 li4), Animal Welfare! I have absolutely never heard of that being taught in China. So that, too was encouraging. Well done, Chinese educational system.

Home improvement 101 and NaNoWriMo

2009-11-09T09:18:00.005-07:00

I have decided to undertake the National Novel Writing Month challenge. The challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel within the month of November. And since it usually takes me several months to write a 16K- word short story, it is a real challenge.

But I have been keeping on track so far, and hopefully I will be a winner! Which in this case means that you complete the challenge. Here is a brief synopsis of the novel so far:

Thirteen-year-old Waverly Yancy finds an ancient amulet in his freezer. Somehow it seems connected to unexplained incidents in his own life. And when his parents find out the source of their African heritage, Waverly goes along for the ride of his life.

The working title is "The Sky Stones of Tombouktou." Essentially it is the black Harry Potter. Hear that, agents who are googling around, looking for the next great novel? "The Black Harry Potter." Heeeere, Google spiders. You might think: Dude, how can you write convincingly about a 13-year old African American kid? Well, you will just have to wait and see! It's gonna be awesome.

In other news, I fixed not one but 2 household items over the weekend. The first was the sink disposal. It was jammed and I was basically waiting for whatever crap was in there jamming it to
rot away and the problem would take care of itself. However, this was not happening. So I looked on the International Network of Computers (they have that now) and figured out that you don't have to take the thing apart in order to fix it.

All you have to do is cut off the power to it, get underneath with a 1/4" allen wrench and insert it into the access hole in the bottom of the unit. You then turn the blades manually with the wrench, and it works the blockage loose. Then you can grab whatever it was (spoon, bag, etc) with tongs and it is fixed! In my case it was just gunked up so after spinning it a few times it started moving freely again. Then Michala poured some dish soap in the drain and it was good as new. Amazing.

I also fixed the water dispenser that comes out of the fridge. I learned via the International Network that the tank for the water that comes out of the fridge door is in the back of the crisper drawer. Who knew? I had noticed a day or so earlier that a pepper in the crisper drawer had some ice on it. Hmmm. Maybe the tank was frozen? So I took out the drawer and found the tank. There was a tube coming out of it and when I fiddled with the tube some ice seemed to crunch and loosen up. I tried the dispenser again and -- holy home improvement Batman -- it worked!

Amazing Lesson: If something does not work in your house, go to the Internet and then fiddle with said broken item. With enough fiddling, you can fix anything!

Random Chinese factoid to keep blog relevant: 冰箱 (bing1 xiang1) means "refrigerator" in Chinese. Literally it means "ice box." Very to-the-point, if a bit old school. But some Chinese words are just old school, and the word for a thing does not necessarily change along with the technology of the age. For example, the word for "rocket" is 火箭 (huo3jian4), which is literally "fire arrow." And the word for spear and gun are the same exact word, 枪 (qiang1). Oh, and "black Harry Potter" in Chinese is 黑哈利・波特 (hei1 Ha1 li4 Bo1 te4).

Nonsense and the curse of the lazy blogger!

2009-09-23T14:46:00.005-06:00

In the interest of posting a post in September, I present with no introduction the cover of a nonexistent graphic novel: "Curse of the Dagger!" This was an idea I had and messed around with for a while. Finally I inked it and scanned it into Photoshop for the colors. Fun!

A young pharaoh finds a mysterious dagger stuck in a strange looking skull in the desert. As he pulls the dagger from the bizarre, deformed skull, a brilliant red light flashes across the landscape.

Little does the young king know, he has released an ancient curse that will ravage the kingdom and threaten to destroy the very fabric of reality!

Anyway...
OK, I thought of a translational subject:

The Chinese phrase: 胡说八道 (hú shuō bā dào) means "nonsense." It is what Rep. Joe Wilson would have yelled at Pres. Obama during his health care speech if he spoke Chinese. Literally it means: "Outrageous speech in eight ways." What is the origin of this strange saying? Let me regale you with the tale...
A young pharaoh finds a mysterious dagger stuck in a strange looking skull - No, no that's not it. Here is the story that makes most sense to me (from Baidu).

In ancient times, Chinese people referred to the minority populations to the north and west as the "Hu." The who? Yes. The Hu. So the unintelligible language of these groups was lumped under the phrase, "hu shuo" 胡说 (Hu speak).

The 八道 (bā dào) part of this expression comes from the "Noble Eightfold Path" 八正道 (ba1 zheng4 dao4) of Buddhism. So in other words, the phrase means "an ignorant barbarian trying to talk about the Noble Eightfold Path to enlightenment."

See, now isn't that much more interesting than a moronic outburst of "you lie!" ?

District Awesome

2009-08-17T15:53:00.006-06:00

One of my all-time favorite science fiction movies (aside from Star Wars) is Aliens 3. I know, probably not a popular choice with you die hard sf fans. But the dark tone, bizarre prison characters, and the overall general feeling of the film really appeal to me. It came out in like 93? Anyway, -I went to see District 9 this weekend. (第九区 (di4 jiu3 qu1) in Chinese.)

Hands down the best original science fiction movie I've seen in years. Usually "science fiction" films are some kind of sf-horror hybrid which suck. This year's Star Trek was awesome, but based on an old series so not counted as "original."

The movie takes you to a near-future South Africa in which aliens are a part of society, although an unwelcome part. They are relegated into ghettos and treated like crap, and without giving anything away - THEY ALL DIE!!! Just kidding. It deals with prejudice and racism and other bias issues and it does it in a way that is really clever and not in your face, but it is pretty obvious: the good guys are compassionate and the bad guys are the bigoted monsters. It is obvious, that is, unless of course you are a complete idiot.

Which brings me to the point of this missive! As I was walking out of the theater, a guy in front of me was wearing a t-shirt that said: "No Mas," (no more in Spanish) and had a graphic of a circle-slash through the Mexican flag. It was funny because in the movie there are signs like that all over but they say "humans only." I had a strong urge to tell the guy to go see the movie again and think about it fer-gods-sake. I didn't, but I was sort of dumbfounded that a person would bother to go see a really good movie but have the message completely lost on them. Not that I see movies for their "message" necessarily, but in this case the irony was exquisite. Oh well.

So, here is my latest sketch! It is for a drawing contest with the theme: Time-switched battles. I drew the pencils, then scanned it and printed it out in really light blue. THen I inked over it, and finally colored it in with colored pencils. So much fun! Her face is a little weird, but overall I like it.

There, I posted in August. Phew!

Conan connundrum

2009-07-23T09:56:00.004-06:00

For some reason I have veered away from blogging about Chinese stuff and have begun drawing a lot. I know I will get back to writing, but drawing stuff is so much fun I have to take a crack at it!

Anyway, this is a pencil drawing of one of my favorite comic book characters Conan the Barbarian. He has just slain a giant serpent ind his sword is stuck, meanwhile marauders from the temple are coming to attack him, since he disrupted the sacrifice of the girl on the left. Probably doesn't need that much explanation but I thought I should have some text on here!

Here is a link to the full size version

More later ...!

Rent-a-foreigner

2009-07-08T21:33:00.005-06:00

First, let me say that our wedding was beautiful, even though a massive deluge interrupted the ceremony! It was lots of fun, and I recommend our method to anyone, which is to have a three-day party with friends and family and just embrace and enjoy every second! More on that later.

So, while I was back on Long Island just before the wedding, I was going through my many boxes of stuff that was in the barn. Among said stuff, I found a business card... This card did not bear my name, but it was mine for a few days back in 1997 or '98. I have contacted the only person I could find in all of Googledom with the same name as this guy, and will post his response if it ever comes. In the meantime, I've blurred out his last name just in case.

What follows in the whole sordid tale.....(note: I wrote this shortly after getting back from China in 1999, and have edited slightly since then. )

The Garry Identity

One day while sitting at my computer at work in Beijing (at website company Chinabig.com,) a colleague, Xiao Hou, sat down next to me and asked me if I would do her a favor. She was cute and always put a hand on my leg when she talked to me, so I said yes.

She gave me a phone number and asked me to call her friend, Helen, who worked for an Australian textile machinery company. She said Helen needed a translation, so I said no problem, as I always look for translating experience and extra cash.

When I called Helen the next day, however, I found that this was no simple translation. This was a covert operation that would involve finesse and deception of the highest degree.

Helen’s company had a problem. A large textile machinery exhibition was coming up in rural Shandong province, and in order to appear as a major player, the company wanted to have a representative from its parent company in Australia make an appearance. But they could not afford to fly anyone over. Helen said that her company would pay me 1,500 kuai, three days of my salary, to impersonate an Australian manager at the two-day conference. All I had to do, she said, was come along, not speak any Chinese, and not talk to any other people who might ask technical questions about the products.

I was skeptical, but as it was an insane and highly questionable endeavor, I figured it would be “good material,” as my mom would say, so I agreed. Helen’s boss, Mr. Wang, said he would make up some fake business cards and my name would be Mai Ke’r — Mike.

This was a strange coincidence because not two days before, I had been hanging out at my favorite bar, the Palm Tree, with friends Rao Shan and Hong Lin, when an older man came in and began drinking heavily. He explained that he was a teacher, and was pretty unhappy with his life. We tried to talk him out of his depression, and he eventually cheered up, but as he got progressively more drunk, he started calling me Mai Ke’r. I told him my name was Ben, but since “ben” is a Chinese word for “stupid,” he refused to call me Ben and dubbed me Mike. When we all stumbled out of the Palm Tree and said goodbye to that guy, I thought I had been called Mai Ke’r for the last time.

A few days later, I had been approved for time off from work (I did not reveal my true plans to my employer) and we were set to leave. I met Wang and a couple of the company's Beijing salesmen at the long-distance bus station and we boarded a mini-bus bound for Quzhou, Shandong. Wang said hello and handed me a small box.

“Ah,” I said. “I’m Mike now.”

“Not Mike,” Wang said. “Garry.”

I opened the box and looked at the cards. Sure enough, there were about a dozen cards that said Garry [last name redacted for now], Regional Manager. These were not some fake business cards of a made-up person. This was an actual manager’s card. We boarded the bus and I settled in to my plastic seat and tried to get into Garry’s mind, wondering what kind of person the real Garry was, and if any one at the expo would know him. I figured I would conduct myself in a professional manner to reflect well on the man, in case his textile machinery career ever took off and he happened to make an unlikely trek to the backwaters of Shandong Province.

Seven or eight hours later we got to the town of Quzhou, and I soon discovered how far off the beaten path we actually were. The Beijing sales reps took me to a small restaurant, which was supposed to be the best in town. The magnificent repast was going to take a while to prepare, so I went off in search of cigarettes (I used to smoke, but have since quit).

In China, smoking is very common, especially among men. It is still pretty off limits for women, except for really old women who nobody could take for a promiscuous harlot. Smoking and cigarettes are a huge part of the culture, as it stands now. Exchanging smokes with a person is an easy icebreaker, and makes an immediate bond. As the saying goes: “yan jiu bu fen jia.” “Cigarettes and alcohol are shared like we are family.”

Also, every province, and many cities, have particular brands of cigarettes that the locals smoke. Some are better than others. Beijing has some really good cigarettes, including the famous “Panda” brand, Deng Xiaoping’s favorite, which cost about $25 a pack. They also have really, really bad ones, such as “Heaven,” which are green in color and are about the foulest tobacco product available. You can feel your alveoli self-destructing in despair with each puff of a Heaven. Regardless, when you go on a trip, it is fun to look for the local brand of smokes and buy a couple of packs to bring back to your friends.

I spied a cigarette kiosk, and was scanning for the local brand. All I saw were “Double Happiness,” a Shanghai brand, a couple of other national brands, and Marlboros, probably fake ones manufactured on a boat in the South China Sea. You can usually tell the counterfeit Marlboros by the typos in the Surgeon General’s warning on the side of the box. It says: “Smoking can cause petal deformities” (instead of “fetal deformities”).

As I was considering my purchase, I suddenly realized that a group of about six men was cautiously gathering around me. I was a little bit nervous, but I realized that they were more likely curious than threatening, and were probably not spies sent by the textile people. So I just said hello: ni hao.

They looked at each other, and one of them spoke up. “You speak Chinese,” he said.

“Yes.”

“We were wondering, where are you from?”

“America,” I said.

“Can we have your autograph?”

This took me by surprise. I was used to the daily “conversation” I had when meeting new Chinese people. “The conversation” was usually exactly the same, and was a sort of daily affirmation for me of how smart I was and how good my Chinese was. It usually happened in a taxi and went like this:

Taxi driver: “Where are you from?”

Me: “America.”

TD: “Wow, your Chinese is excellent! How old are you?”

Me: “25” [or whatever I was that year]

TD: “Great! How much do you make?”

Me: “7,500 a month.”

TD: “That’s so much! How long have you been in China?”

Me: “Four years.”

TD: “Your Chinese is so good!”

And so on. Usually the driver would ask about my family and if the ride was long enough we could get down to some myth explosion like how there is actually poverty in the United States, too, and how prostitution is generally not legal.

I had been to a couple of out-of-the-way places before in my travels around China. In one case, a Tibetan man had asked me how long a train ride it was to get to the United States.

But this request for my autograph was a new ego-bending twist on “the conversation.” I told the man that I was nobody famous and my autograph was really not a much sought-after commodity where I came from. But they explained that they had never actually seen a foreigner before and they wanted my signature just the same. So they walked with me to the small restaurant where my Beijing “colleagues” were eating and asked for some paper napkins, which I signed in both English and Chinese.

My fans waited patiently by while I signed all six napkins, and then politely thanked me and filed off down the street. The more-metropolitan Beijingers had a good laugh about it, and we all sat down for the meal, now ready.

The local delicacy was a greasy mutton soup accompanied by a rock-like “mo,” a round biscuit that appeared to be regulation size and density for the NHL. You are supposed to soak the bread ingot in the gray mire of the soup for about 15 minutes to get it soft enough to eat. The mo then deconstructs itself into the soup and the whole thing becomes a gnarly porridge. I am usually open to fresh culinary experiences, but this was a new low. Luckily there was plenty of 100 proof baijiu, distilled liquor, to go around, which was strong enough to render my furious taste buds temporarily senseless.

After dinner we went back to the hotel to prepare for the next day.

“Remember,” Wang said. “No Chinese.”

I practiced saying “G’day” to myself as I drifted off to sleep.

In the morning we boarded a bus and headed downtown. It was immediately clear that this was this biggest thing to hit this town since 1949. There were banners everywhere and hundreds of people swarming in from all around the country. The main events were taking place at the industrial center of the town: a textile factory. The first order of the day was a lecture in an auditorium at the factory complex about the textile machinery industry, which was excruciatingly dull. It was not hard for me to pretend I did not understand a word of it because I was utterly bored.

Since the company I was traveling with was from Beijing, and since they had a foreigner with them, we were given special treatment, and a special tour of the factory followed. The factory actually had one of “our” machines.

Seeing the machine in action was interesting, because it was controlled by a computer. The design of the cloth was laid out on the computer, and the cutting machine interpreted the data and cut out the pattern on multiple layers of cloth. I wanted to ask questions, but restrained myself from saying anything in Chinese.

As always with any significant event in China, a banquet followed. The president of the factory took me and my colleagues to a local restaurant for lunch and drinks. Luckily, we were able to say that we had already sampled the local specialty, so we were spared having to deal with the gray soup again. The baijiu flowed freely, but I staid my tongue, an especially difficult task since once inebriated, my Chinese becomes more fluent than ever, or at least I feel like it does.

In the end, I believe I did well by Garry, and if I ever meet the guy, I definitely owe him a beer or 15.

magic tiiiime

2009-06-12T19:50:00.007-06:00

OK, so here I am on the verge of nuptial bliss, smoking a cigar and drinking good whisky (Stranahan's Colorado). I am about to go back east to Vermont to get married in a couple of weeks, in case my dear readers did not know, so I thought I would post a little bit of Chinese-related marriage stuff!

But first check out this pencil sketch I did recently of an alien chasing a dude on a hover bike!! (No relation to how I feel about getting married, mind you, it is just something I drew recently and would like criticism on. Click for larger image)

OK. The first thing I can say is that I am glad we are getting married in 21-st century USA instead of feudal China. Back in the day, you would not even know your bride/groom or what they looked like/enjoyed eating/preferred activities/favorite color. It was all arranged in advance by the families. Michala and I have been dating for several years, with the engagement and wedding planning lasting for about a year and a half on its own! And no matchmaker!

The Chinese word for marriage ceremony is 婚礼 (hun1 li3). The second part of the character means simply "ceremony" or "rite." But the first part is interesting because it has the radical for female: 女 (nv3) and for dusk: 昏 ( hun1). Apparently this is because marriages in olden times used to take place in the evening. (according to baike.baidu.com)

There are a million details on how marriages went down in China, but I think one thing that is quite interesting is that pretty much all of the characters associated with marriage have the female radical 女 in them. Here is a brief list of those words:

婚 (hun1) marriage, get married (woman + dusk)
姻 (yin1) relatives by marriage (woman + reason)
嫁 (jia1) to marry to a man (woman + home)
娶 (qu3) to marry a woman (woman + retrieve)

I am very excited to get married! I keep getting asked "are you nervous?" But I don't feel nervous, rather I feel a sense of destiny, a feeling of impending fulfillment, and a sense of connection with the millions of other beings (humans, obviously, but also our animal cousins, whose psychological and emotional dimensions remain largely unplombed by us) who have entered into similar committments, in whatever form, with whatever combination of individuals.

Next post: I will be a married man!

Comix

2009-05-18T14:50:00.016-06:00

So. A few weeks ago I went to Comic Con in Denver, which was really geeky and totally fun. Before that, I saw the movie "Watchmen" and was really impressed, so I went and got the graphic novel, which was awesome. Having found myself in a writing job, I also find myself with little time or motivation to write for myself. As evidenced by serious slacking in the blog department.

My first idea was to write a story for a graphic novel and see if I could pitch it somewhere. But after writing to Dave Wolverton (aka David Farland who writes the "Daily Kick in the Pants" for writers, which is great), he said you have to be fairly well-established and then the artists will contact you. So I decided to come up with a graphic novel, or rather, a graphic flash fiction exercise and see if I could take it from concept to a final comic-book-looking type of product, doing all the steps (writing, pencilling, inking coloring) myself. Turns out I could! Not that it is the greatest story or art ever, but I am pleased that I was able to [here it is] translate an idea into an actual thing. With color. So, click on the images to see a larger version.

My Dad at 70

2009-05-09T16:32:00.005-06:00

Many days since last post, attempting to rectify...

I was trying to find a poem for my Dad for his 70th birthday, and came across this one. The poet is supposedly Yue Fu (not sure of characters), but I've never heard of him. Not that that means anything. Still, it is a nice poem, called "After Rain" (雨後, yu3 hou4):

雨後树林润
松间月惊心
笑而思故园
异客在异乡

yu3 hou4 shu4 lin2 run4
song1 jian1 yue4 jing1 xin1
xiao4 er2 si1 gu4 yuan2
yi4 ke4 zai4 yi4 xiang1

After the rain, the forest is slick
Through the pines, the moon startles me.
I smile and think of home,
A stranger in a strange land.

RARE BLOG UPDATE!!
Siew Gin pointed out that the poem reminds her of another famous poem by Li3 Bai2 李白 (aka Li Po). This one is probably the most famous poem ever:

床前明月光，疑是地上霜。
举头望明月，低头思故乡。
chuang2 qian2 ming2 yue4 guang4, yi4 shi4 di4 shang4 shuang1.
ju3 tou2 wang1 ming2 yue4, di1 tou3 si1 gu4 xiang1.

Before my bed the moon is so bright, it seems as though there is frost on the ground.
I lift my head to gaze at the bright moon; lowering my head, I think of home.

Similar themes: The Moon. Thinking of home. Drunk old dudes writing poetry. Anyway, the line about thinking of home is very similar: 思故乡 vs. 思故园. Did these guys know each other? Since I can't find any info on Yue Fu it is hard to tell...

Grass mud horse your mom

2009-03-12T11:15:00.006-06:00

DANGER: Foul language ahead! Yippee!

My friend Dan pointed out an article in The New York Times about an online video that thwarts the Chinese Web censors.

The Times article makes the video out to be some kind of heroic rebellion against the dark red Commie forces - and I guess it is. But it is also just funny in an immature, clever sort of way.

Basically, it is a song performed by kids (at least it sounds that way), about a beast called the Grass Mud Horse (草泥马 cao3 ni2 ma3). This illustrates the importance of tones in Chinese. The same phrase said with different tones is a common (but super vulgar) insult: 操你妈 (cao4 ni3 ma1), which means "f*** your mother."

Of course, the Grass Mud Horse is not real and even if you said the tones that way, people would still think you meant the naughty phrase, since you are a laowai (lao3 wai4 老外 - "foreigner") and can't deal with tones anyway.

The video is funny because it talks about this mythical beast, the Grass Mud Horse, but the background film is just some kind of advertisement video for somebody's alpaca farm (photo caption is wrong. Oops.). Also, you can't really sing the tones, so basically what it boils down to is, you are watching slow-motion video of alpacas chewing stuff and jumping around, meanwhile these kids are cheerfully crooning "f--- your mom's c---" !

The thing about censorship becomes obvious (according to the NYT - I didn't know this), when the lyrics talk about "river crabs," 河蟹 (he2 xie4), which the grass mud horses fight and eventually drive out of their homeland, the Ma Le Gobi (desert presumably). Incidentally, this part 马勒戈壁 (ma3 le4 ge1 bi4), sounds like mother's c---. But "river crab" sounds like "harmony" ( he2 xie2 和谐), which apparently is the word the censors use to describe censoring. So many layers of euphemism and deception!

So here are the lyrics. Remember, everytime it says "grass mud horse," they are really saying FYM, and Ma Le Gobi means "your mother's c-." Oh and River Crab means censorship.

The intro is the kids saying: "I am a Grass Mud Horse, this is the Grass Mud Horse song!"

在那荒茫美丽马勒戈壁有一群草泥马
In the vast and desolate Ma Le Gobi desert, there is a herd of Grass Mud Horses

他们活泼又聪明，他们调皮又灵敏，他们由自在生活在那草泥马戈壁，他们顽强勇敢克服艰苦环境。
They are lively and intelligent, mischievous and sensitive. They live freely on the Grass Mud Horse Gobi, and tenaciously and bravely face the harsh environment there.

噢，卧槽的草泥马！噢，狂槽的草泥马！他们为了卧草不被吃掉打败了河蟹，河蟹从此消失草泥马戈壁
Oh! The Grass Mud Horse lying down, the Grass Mud Horse going nuts! To protect their grass from being eaten, they defeated the River Crab. From then on, the River Crab disappeared from the Grass Mud Horse Gobi!

Getting medieval on a Sunday

2009-02-20T15:12:00.006-07:00

Note: This is a version of a story I wrote that appeared in the Westword online. The editor thought this version was too much like a newspaper article, but I liked it so here it is! I think I am OK in posting it here since the quotes are different and the story is different, it is just about the same event.

Suburban swashbucklers

I spent Sunday learning the ancient art of the “spada a dui mani,” or two-handed Italian longsword, at a place called the Rocky Mountain Swordplay Guild in Wheat Ridge. A bastion of medieval fighting tactics in the heart of the Front Range, the RMSG offers a great full-body workout, a history lesson and a chance to wield some serious heavy metal.

Not your daddy’s D&D

Before you start thinking “frustrated Dungeon Masters screwing around,” let me introduce you to one Maestro Fiore dei Liberi da Premariacco. Dei Liberi was an Italian swordmaster who wrote a comprehensive combat manual in 1409 titled “Il Fior di Battaglio,” or “The Flower of Battle.”

Dei Liberi’s manuscript (of which only three copies are known to exist) forms the basis of the core classes at RMSG. In addition to longsword, the book lays out a complete fighting system including grappling, and fighting with daggers, lances and poleaxes. Lead instructor and school founder Roger Siggs has worked on translating the “Flower” as well as other medieval fighting treatises. These works make up the main teaching materials of what is known as historical European martial arts (HEMA), or Western martial arts (WMA).

Siggs, who has a Master’s degree in medieval history from University of California - San Diego (with a concentration in Byzantine military history), started RMSG in 2006 when he moved to Colorado. He became interested in HEMA while he was a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), but after 13 years he parted ways with the SCA in favor of a more structured and historical approach to getting medieval.

“Eventually I felt that the SCA didn’t fit my needs (it’s a club where fighting is an ancillary aspect of the organization) so I began working towards the development of WMA/HEMA as a distinct martial style, rather than relegating it to renaissance faires and that sort of thing,” Siggs said.

‘Ready … FIGHT!’

The daylong workshop started with a rousing game of Hooverball. This game – invented by President Herbert Hoover’s personal physician to get the portly commander-in-chief in fighting shape – involves two teams hurling a medicine ball over a net, volleyball-style. Players try to catch the ball and throw it back over the net (in this case a rope) so it lands without being caught. The act of chucking the 10-pound ball over the rope is a great warmup and activates the muscles that are needed to swing swords around (that is, pretty much all of them).

Then we grabbed the blades. Ssssshing! “Die, fiend!” Ahem, I get ahead of myself. Dei Liberi’s work outlines “dances,” or forms, with the longsword. These dances show the students how to transition between the various positions and guards. Then the class broke into pairs and began practicing “plays,” or brief snippets of combat, where one person attacks and the other performs a counterattack.

The students, all of who had varying degrees of experience in HEMA or other martial arts, did not fit into any particular mold, but all shared a love for things medieval.

“I’ve always pursued somewhat anachronistic hobbies,” said Douglas Wagner, 38, of Denver (shown fighting me in red pants at right). Wagner, a curatorial assistant in the Denver Art Museum’s Asian Art Department, also studies jousting and participates in jousting tournaments. In HEMA he found a way to express an old dream in new ways.

“With martial arts you find there is no such thing as an ultimate goal. The goal is to always improve,” he said. “I get to become that vision of myself as a Renaissance or medieval character that I’ve imagined myself to be since I was a kid.”

Actor and stage combat director Benaiah Anderson, 32, said he studies at RMSG to improve his martial arts skill and get ideas for his work. However, he doesn’t use the material directly, even in his current role in “Richard III” at the Denver Center for Performing Arts.

“The audience wants an exciting visual story, not the most direct way to kill your opponent,” Anderson said.

Siggs, a black belt in aikido, judo and kyokushinkai karate, gleefully directed the controlled melees.

“I’m gonna smack him down, then I’m gonna hit him, then I’m gonna hit him again,” said Siggs, demonstrating a parry and two swift sword strokes.

Looking on, class participant and acupuncturist R. Scott Malone said the action reminded him of something.

“It’s like a steel bitch slap,” Malone said.

An important question

After minutes of contemplation, I finally thought of the most profound and deep question I could ask Siggs about his art: Who would win a fight, Fiore dei Liberi or Bruce Lee?
“Personally, I’d have to say Fiore,” Siggs said. “We know that he fought five duels at the sword with only regular clothing and no armor.”

However, Siggs does cede the Little Dragon one point:

“Bruce Lee is famed not just for movies, but also for his development of Jeet Kun Do – his method of martial arts – which posits the idea that all fighting is systemic and by following a series of core principles, you can gain ability and skill in any situation,” Siggs said. “Amazingly enough, this is the same mindset Maestro Fiore details for us, but 600 years earlier.”

Siggs said that people who are interested in the material would do well in the class. But, if your only goal is to be a “bad ass,” then the class is not for you, since there is a lot of hard work involved.

“Personal development, alongside of butt-kicking, is really the primary focus of our work,” he said.

Chinese grafitti

2009-02-10T11:10:00.008-07:00

For some reason, a couple of Chinese poems remain clear in my mind even now, 10 years since I have been in China.

Two of the poems I remember are dueling poems. The first one was composed by one of the top Zen Buddhist monks of the 7th century. The other was written by a lowly cleaning dude at the temple, who turned out to be the monk's rival for the much vaunted position of Sixth Patriarch.

The tale of Hui Neng (慧能 Hui4 Neng2) begins with a young lad (Hui Neng, A.D. 632-713) who grows up very poor and sells firewood to support himself and his single mom. His name was Lu (庐 lu4) at the time (Hui Neng, meaning "intelligent ability," became his monastic name later). One day on a firewood delivery run Lu (I'll just call him Hui Neng now) ran into a dude reading outside of a small inn. He asked the guy what he was reading and where he was from. Turns out he was reading the Diamond Sutra (金剛經 jin1 gang1 jing1), a Buddhist scripture that teaches awareness of the mind and its various ways of tricking you.

So Hui Neng (now 24) learns that his guy was studying at the Huang Mei Temple in Hubei Province, and he decides to go there to study. Long story short, Hui Neng meets the head of the temple, the 5th Patriarch (meaning the 5th Zen Buddhist master since the religion arrived in China), whose name was Hong Ren (弘忍 Hong2 Ren4).

Hong Ren says "what do you want, kid?" and Hui Neng is like "I am from Ling Nan, I want to study Buddhism." So Hong Ren tests him and says "What makes you think a peasant from Ling Nan can learn Buddhism?" Hui Neng says "Men are from the north or the south, but the true nature of Buddha knows no north or south." Hong Ren is like "whaaaaat?" and is super impressed, but in order to keep the 700 unruly monks from getting angry about a young punk coming from the countryside and gaining monk status just-like-that, he makes Hui Neng a laborer, cleaning up after the other monks and threshing rice.

Eight months later, Hui Neng is still happily cleaning up after the other monks. One day Hong Ren announces that he wants everyone to write a verse displaying their understanding of Buddhism. That night, the senior monk Shen Xiu (神秀 Shen2 Xiu4) (who realizes the poem thing is a test to see who is worthy to become Hong Ren's successor) puts a lot of thought into it (big mistake in Zen Buddhism). He sneaks down in the middle of the night and writes - on the wall of the temple - this verse:

身是菩提树，心如明镜台，时时勤拂拭，莫使有尘埃
(shen1 shi4 pu2 ti2 shu4, xin1 ru2 ming2 jing4 tai2
shi2 shi2 qin2 fu2 shi4, mo4 shi3 you3 chen2 ai1)

which means:

"The body is the Tree of Enlightenment, the mind is like a bright mirror stand.
Always be diligent in cleaning it, and allow no dust to land."

All the monks see it in the morning and are all like "whoa, that's deep." Except for Hong Ren, who just sort of looks at it and says nothing. Then, Hui Neng hears about the ruckus in the hall and heads over for a look. Upon seeing the verse, he asks Hong Ren if he too can have a crack at a Buddhist verse. He gets permission and ad libs the following ...

菩提本无树,明镜亦非台;本来无一物,何处惹尘埃
(pu2 ti2 ben3 wu2 shu4, ming2 jing4 yi4 fei1 tai2
ben3 lai2 wu2 yi1 wu4, he2 chu4 re3 chen2 ai1)

which means:

"Enlightenment has no tree, the bright mirror has no stand.
Originally there was nothing, so where can the dust even land?

... showing his really deep and innate understanding of Zen, and he gets the patriarch's robe, thus becoming the Sixth Patriarch! Whereupon he is immediately sent into hiding for 15 years with Cantonese pig farmers so he won't get attacked by a mob of furious monks.

The End

Note: I really like the phrase 本来无一物, (ben3 lai2 wu2 yi1 wu4). Literally it means, "In the beginning, there was not one thing." It sums up the universe nicely in like 5 characters. 物 (wu4) is a nice word, too, because it can mean any "thing." Chinese philosophy somtimes refers to the 万物 (wan4 wu4) or "myriad creatures," but you can also take it to mean "matter" in general so he is kind of hinting at the pre-Big Bang void. Maybe. Anyway I like it.

What's the 419?

2009-02-02T10:09:00.006-07:00

This is the world premiere of a video I made to go along with my rap song about getting spam e-mail. I wrote this rap during a Williston (Vt.) Selectboard meeting that I was reporting on a couple years ago. (It was a slow meeting). It was fun making the vid! The title is "What's the 419?" as in the 419 Internet scams. You know, where the Nigerian banker says if you give him your contact info they will send you like 50 million bucks? 419 is the section of the Nigerian penal code dealing with money scams apparently.

I am now bracing myself to become in Internet superstar. Here goes...

Animal House: Holes in birds, stalking the wild ass and other tales from the NAVC

2009-01-21T11:52:00.009-07:00

I have just returned from Orlando, Fla., where I was attending the North American Veterinary Conference. The conference is one of the big veterinary gatherings in the United States, and as you can imagine A) has nothing to do with Chinese translation and B) is totally zany.

My job was to report on the various sessions and to make contacts in the veterinary world.

The main focus of the conference is the "scientific programs," which are various classes and lectures for vets to get continuing education credit and learn from some experts in their field. As a non-veterinarian, I found some of the talks absolutely mystifying, and others were really interesting or gross, while some were just hilarious.

I found that one big difference between veterinarians and laypeople (me) is in viewing pictures of animals. For instance, when shown pictures of open wounds and dead animals in various stages of being necropsied (the animal version of an autopsy), the vets will nod and be interested, while I am trying to suppress a gag reflex. But when shown cute animal pictures of fluffy kitties and puppies in silly situations, they all go: "Aaaawwwwww!" meanwhile I am rolling my eyes.

Animal exotica
One of the subjects I explored while at the conference was the world of "exotics," which includes birds, reptiles, amphibians and small mammals like ferrets. I took one class called "Shell repair in Chelonians," which was presented by Dr. Greg Fleming, a veterinarian with Disney World. A chelonian is a turtle or tortoise, and Fleming said people often bring in the animals to his clinic after they (the chelonians) have been run over by cars.

Triage is the first step. If the spine has been broken he said there is little hope. Turtles have a strange, primordial nervous system, and their back legs will continue to move reflexively without a connection to the spinal cord. However their quality of life would be pretty low and he just euthanizes them.

"Basically those guys are toast," were his exact words.

But surprisingly, even if large pieces of the shell have been broken or cracked off, he can still repair many of them. You are probably thinking "epoxy" right now, but that just seals in any infection. The trick is to drill screws into the shell and wire the pieces together. Flushing out the wounds is also important for the first week or so, but make sure the animals are positioned correctly.

"You kind of have to hold the dude upside down," the Alberta, Canada, native said.

The avian programs were also pretty cool. "Case Study: The Screaming Parrot" was a tempting selection, but I passed it up (another one I skipped was "The Vomiting Cat"), and instead went to the bizarre and intriguingly titled "There is a Hole in my Bird."

Basically this class was about birds who pluck out their own feathers. The interesting thing is, I go to these classes thinking people know everything about the subject. And while they might know the most of anyone about something, the actual body of knowledge on the subject has as many holes as the self-plucking bird. That is not a criticism of the doctors, it is just that there is tons we don’t know, especially about animal behavior.

"Feather destructive behavior" is different from "feather picking," but essentially they are both pretty common problems with pet birds. Why do they do it? Nobody knows for sure! But Dr. Natalie Antinoff (who was a great presenter) had some good ideas. One reason could be that the bird is nuts. They are smart and live really long lives - in small cages - hence they occasionally go insane. Another possible reason is disease. She talked about one bird who picked out all of these feathers on one part of its body for no apparent reason. But when it finally died she did a necropsy and found a huge testicular tumor, which was located right around the site of the picking.

Yeah, there were pictures of that. Giant testicular tumors in a splayed out bloody parrot -- not pretty. But other birds plucked themselves in a certain area and it turned out they had some medical issue internally right under where they were picking.

Stress is another cause. Take the case of Forbes, a 20-year-old African Grey. After Forbes' owner moved the bird from his original place in the house, Forbes started freaking out and plucked himself bare. Then one of the veterinary technicians was bird-sitting for him, and pointed out that there was a giant statue of an eagle sitting right outside Forbes' window! The owner took away the statue and the bird stopped picking since it was no longer crapping itself in fear every day.

That case was a demonstration of why, as Dr. Antinoff said, "I don't reach for the Prozac with every single bird." (She was talking about giving it to the bird.)

Some people think it is due to allergies (don't give them benadryl though because "histamine is not the allergic mediator in birds" – nobody knows what is), but it could also just be a weird habit, like people biting their nails. The problem is that their "flock" is a couple of humans who don't know anything about them except they are cute and fun.

"There are things we can't teach them, because we don't have beaks," she said.

Wild-ass beasts
The place I work for only deals with companion animals, but I just could not pass up this class: "Capturing and collaring the Asiatic Wild Ass."

The presenter was an Austrian I believe, and he was talking about his adventures in Mongolia and parts of Asia and the Middle East trying to capture these endangered wild asses (they look like donkeys) and put satellite collars on them. He must have said "wild ass" like 15 times in the first 3 minutes, and of course being fairly immature I was holding back snickers. But he said it like it was an adjective, like you might say "that was a wild-ass party last night." However, he started showing amazing pictures of the central Asian steppe and I was entranced. Although I did kind of chuckle at one picture, which he described thusly: "that's obviously a male."

He said the job is not very glamorous and not everyone should attempt it. Lots of mosquitoes and lots of waiting around for the animals to show up. It still sounded really cool, though. He talked about how he created a remote control tranquilizer gun using parts out of a video supply catalog, a Sony watchman, a CO2 rifle and the automatic door-lock mechanism from a BMW (used to activate the trigger).

"It's surprising, actually, what you can bring into other countries and no one notices," he said.

Some of the risks are pretty gnarly (the worst thing is having vehicle problems), and you should always have a backup plan when stalking wild ass. In addition to cars or planes breaking down, injury and illness, some of the governments are also kind of unstable. At one point he said: "When you hear your name on Iranian radio, you know things have gone badly wrong."

There are other hazards, too. This guy wrote a paper called “Human Exposure to Wildlife Capture Drugs.” Oh, and when the wild ass is in the initial stages of sedation it starts pacing all over the place, so you are supposed to stand in front of it and when it rams into you, you “grab the ears and thrown them down.” Don’t worry it is perfectly safe. For the wild ass, that is.

Good times

I wound up writing about an economic symposium and also a series of talks on animal forensics, which was awesome. For that I got to interview Dr. Melinda Merck, the ASPCA veterinarian who brought down Michael Vick by proving the various terrible ways his fighting dogs were killed. I also interviewed one of the 13 forensic entomologists in the country, Dr. Jason Byrd.

Basically forensic entomology is using information about insects to figure out how long a body has been decomposing for. This guy was cool. I asked him how he got into the field and he said that he had two interests in life: forensic science and entomology, and he was able to study them together and voila. His great quote was: "A carcass is the singles bar of the fly world." Not only were there pictures of dead animals in his presentation, we also got to see human bodies in various stages of decomposition and being eaten by bugs.

Later, when I asked him about how he got into animal forensics, he said that although people in the field of human forensic science don't grow callous to the crimes they study, they do become somewhat desensitized to the human bodies they see. But people hurting animals is a different story, and when he was approached by Dr. Merck he wanted to help.

"We don't have some of the minimum defense mechanisms when we hear about animal cruelty," he said. "Some cases really shocked me."

Oh, I almost forgot! I went to Downtown Disney, the free part of Disney World, and I ran in a 5K! I figured I should use my increased blood oxygen levels (from living in Denver) and try to beat my previous 5K record. I did it, finishing in under 30 minutes! It was not hard to beat my previous time, which was in 2000, with Columbia friend and "innerer Schweinehund" blogger Brian Morrissey. I was about 50 pounds heavier, hung over and had gotten about 3 hours of sleep after a wild night in Hoboken, N.J.

OK, there it is: the whole experience in a nutshell. Next time I will head to the AAHA conference in Phoenix in March. Stay tuned for more veterinary madness!

Kung Fool

2009-01-02T15:35:00.011-07:00

One of my favorite Chinese sayings is: 大智若愚 (da4 zhi4 ruo4 yu2), which basically means "very wise people appear to be fools." I like it because sometimes I do dumb things, and then I can say that to myself to feel better.

It is actually part of a larger saying: 大勇若怯，大智若愚 (da4 yong3 ruo4 qie4, da4 zhi4 ruo4 yu2) "A great hero may appear timid, the wise may appear foolish." So it is saying that people with great talent or great characteristics are often not recognized for what they are.

It also means that a truly wise or brave person does not go around saying how brave or wise they are. A wise person knows that, as Confucius said:
三人行，必有我师焉。(san3 ren2 xing2, bi4 you3 wo3 shi1 yan1)
择其善者而从之, (ze2 qi2 shan4 zhe3 er3 cong2 zhi1)
其不善者而改之。(qi2 bu4 shan4 zhe3 er3 gai3 zhi1)

"Of any three people I walk with, one will be my teacher.
I can learn from their good characteristics,
And I can change myself by noticing their faults."

(Or as we liked to joke in grad school: 三人喝，必有我醉。(san3 ren2 he1, bi4 you3 wo3 zui4). "Of any three people I drink with, I will definitely get drunk.")

The point being that you can learn from eveyone you meet in some way or another, so it does not pay to pretend you know everything. Hence, you may appear to be dumb if you are actually listening to say, the Information Technology person at work talk about opening and closing Microsoft Word, BUT she might say something you don't know such as "The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds," which you would not catch if you just said "I know" and left the meeting.

Another word besides "愚 yu4" for "dumb," or "idiot" include this one, which caused me some grief at first, but now I embrace it: 笨 (ben4). Yep, my first name in Chinese means dummy. But, that's OK. As a kid I called myself Benjy, which would equate to 笨妓, ben4 ji4, or "dumb prostitute." Naughty cross-translations are always good for a laugh at parties. And if the truly wise appear as fools, then surely those who appear (via their name) as "dumb prostitutes" are practically omniscient, no?

Tuantuan & Yuanyuan - Communist Youth League Operatives

2008-12-23T09:44:00.005-07:00

They're incredibly cute and fluffy and everybody loves them. That's why they make --- the perfect spies.

Recently China sent a pair of adorable pandas named Tuantuan and Yuanyuan over to Taiwan as a goodwill gift between the two countries (or one country and one rogue province, depending on how you look at it).

All the news reports are saying how the pandas names together mean "reunion." And this is true. In Chinese, their names are 团团 (tuan2 tuan2) and 圆圆 (yuan2 yuan2), and the word 团圆 (tuan2 yuan2) means "reunion," therefore suggesting that the pandas could be a catalyst for China and Taiwan to reunite into one China (which even a whole platoon of pandas would have difficulty achieving).

HOWEVER, a homonym for 团圆 is 团员 (tuan2 yuan2), which is short for "member of the Chinese Communist Youth League!" (中国共产主义青年团 zhong1 guo2 gong1 chan3 zhu3 yi4 qing1 nian2 tuan2). The CCYL is for people ages 14-28, and is a kind of precursor to joining the actual Communist Party. Although many high school graduates are members, most of them do not actually go on to join the Party. Most pandas are not Party members either.

But this panda duo could be moles, sent to Taiwan in order to recruit and cultivate a new CCP Youth League presence within the borders of the renegade territory! Ingenious, really.

Another important question is "why do they always give pandas names with one character repeated twice?" Actually, Chinese tend to do this with all of their animal friends. In fact, I once met and played with a real panda! Her name was Didi, and she lives at Wolong Panda Preserve in Sichuan.

When I lived in Beijing in the late '90s, pets were just starting to become popular. I remember one guy in an outdoor kungfu class I was taking had a dog named "Ben Ben." Oh, it was the source of endless fun for the other classmates.

People get double-character nicknames too, especially young people. It is a sign of affection and sounds cute. If they just called the pandas Tuan and Yuan, it would be far less amusing.

Character revival: Jiong

2008-12-15T13:48:00.011-07:00

Chinese is an old language, but it is still evolving robustly. Or perhaps devolving is a better word.
Recently I was looking on ChinaSMACK and I saw that the site's motto character is 囧 (jiong3). I did some research and found out that this character's original meaning is "bright," as in light coming through a window. The first Chinese characters were pictograms engraved on turtle bones and shells and used in oracles. Jiong's oracle-bone character (see image at right) meant simply "window," says Richard Sears. Weird looking window.

But, according to the website shenmeshi.com ("shenmeshi" is pinyin for 什么是 meaning "what is," dot com), "jiong" has now become an emoticon, like the ubiqitous ":)". The character 囧 is made up of three parts: 囗, 八, and 口. This from shenmeshi:

"In Web speak, 囗 = the face, 八= two drooping eyes, and 口 (under the eyes)= the mouth. 囧 represents surprise, or something to make your expression change, for example:

"Person A: Yesterday I woke up and discovered my body was covered with 100 cockroaches.
Person B: 囧."

It goes on to say that 囧 is related to the online phrase "orz," which I had also never heard of. Turns out orz is an emoticon that originated in Japan. It is an ASCII representation of a stick person on his knees, hands on the floor, with head down also touching the floor. The name of this emoticon is "失意体前屈" (shi1 yi4 ti3 qian2 qu1), or "disappointed body bent forward." You can kind of see that the "o" is the head, and the "rz" is the body, arms hanging down and knees bent on the floor." Originally it was used to express dispair or disappointment, but then changed to also mean "bowing down to you," or submission.

Now sometimes the "o" is replaced with 囧, or other similarly head-like-looking characters.

崮 = King of Jiong (actually gu4, steep-sided mountain)

莔 = Queen of Jiong (meng2, some kind of herb)

商 = Jiong wearing a Chinese hat (shang1, commerce)

The cyclical nature of things is astounding. In 5,000 years, you go from representing pictures of things on shells to tell the future to a complex character-based language system. Then computers are invented, and the characters which took so long to evolve and perfect lose their meaning and become simple emoticons. In conclusion, ;^)

Max Planck: Pimpin Ain't Easy

2008-12-11T10:45:00.004-07:00

My brother Andy called this one to my attention. Thanks, Andy! Melbourne-based newspaper The Age reported that the scientific journal Max Planck Research used what it thought was a representative selection of Chinese calligraphy on the cover of its special China issue. However, it turned out to be a sordid advertisement for strippers! Yay science!

Supposedly the editors called on a "German sinologist" to approve the cover, but apparently this did not work out. The magazine eventually replaced the offending cover with a less-sexy one, which featured the cover page of a 1627 book, "Illustrations and Explanations of Strange Machines."

I looked at the original magazine cover, and even without reading it I could immediately tell that it was not a good choice. The calligraphy is bad, for one thing, and there are English letters in there, too! It was not easy for me to decipher on my own, but it is all over the Chinese webosphere so the characters were in electronic form, which helps me. Here is what it says in Chinese:

重金礼聘长驻日场

KK加美主任亲率青春玉女

仪态万千北方佳丽
身材惹火住家少妇
风骚迷人即日登场

Here is the best I can do:

Hired for long-term daytime performances for lots of money,

Directors KK and Jiamei personally instructed these young jade girls,

Northern beauties with every kind of attitude.

Their bodies will inflame your desires, these young housewives,

Flirtatious and enchanting, they will be on stage soon!

That's good stuff. This is indicative of two things. 1) German sinologists are funny people and not to be trusted. 2) Many Westerners think of Chinese as a decoration (explored more intelligently on this great site, Language Log, from UPenn), and vice-versa. The fact that it was a bunch of Chinese characters was enough for it to qualify as a representation of China.

But Asians do the same thing with English. Just go to China or Japan and look at the t-shirts people wear. I remember shirts that looked like they were from a college, but the collegiate lettering just said "GSKNEB." I also remember another really popular brand of track outfit when I first went to China sported the logo: "Advanced For Better Concentration." My Thai friend from badminton's name is "Note." His brother is "Knot." I asked him why and he didn't really know, he just said that many people took English names for nicknames -- because it is cool!

I think the choice of the 17th-century book cover was a good choice for the magazine's revised cover, considering the scientific nature of the journal. The book it refers to was dictated by missionary Johann Terrenz Schreck, and is a description of Renaissance-era machines and technology. Planck, the founder of quantum theory, would probably approve. Although who knows, maybe the guy was into strippers!

Chinese Coke: Tasty-Happy

2008-11-21T09:51:00.011-07:00

Some brands don't translate well into other languages, like the Chevy Nova, which in Spanish means Chevy No-Go. But when Coke came to China in 1978 as the only foreign company allowed to sell packaged cold beverages, it hit the ground running and hasn't stopped. That's thanks in part to its great brand name in Chinese.

For some reason, last night at badminton we were discussing the Chinese name for Coca-Cola, which is: 可口可乐 (ke3 kou3 ke3 le4). This is really an ingenius translation, and no doubt helped propel the soft-drink maker into the Chinese stratosphere. The first part, 可口 (ke3 kou3) means "tasty," or "delicious." Then the next half, 可乐, (ke3 le4), literally means "really happy," although nowadays it stands alone as the generic word for "cola" of any kind. So Coke in Chinese is "Tasty-Happy." Or just "Tasty-cola," since cola has worked its way into the Chinese lexicon.

Pepsi's name is 百事可乐 (bai3 shi4 ke3 le4), which sort of means "100 Things to Make You Happy." Again, it is also just "100 Things Cola" now, but the literal translation still isn't bad. Sprite's name is a little more poetic: 雪碧, (xue3 bi4), "snowy green jade."

Some product names are translated with poetic names firmly in mind. Take furniture giant IKEA, for example: 宜家 (yi2 jia1). In "English," the name is apparently an acronym of Ingvar Kamprad (founder's name) Elmtaryd (his family farm) Agunnaryd (his home county in Sweden).

According to blogger Xie Zhichun, IKEA's Chinese name was taken from a poem in the ancient 诗经 (shi1 jing1) or "Book of Songs," that goes: 桃之夭夭, 灼灼其华. 之子于归, 宜其室家. (tao2 zhi1 yao1 yao1, zhuo2 zhuo2 qi2 hua2. Zhi1 zi3 yu2 gui1, yi2 qi1 shi4 jia1) "The lovely peach tree displays its magnificent flowers. When the new bride arrives, she brings harmony and peace to the home." The word for IKEA is taken from the last part of the poem and basically means "harmonize the home." Good one, Ingvar.

Revlon is another poetic one. In Chinese, the make-up company's name is translated as 露华浓, (lu4 hua2 nong2). It kind of sounds like the English version (which is based on company founders Charles and Joseph Revson's last name with an "L" inserted in the middle for their chemist, Charles Lachman), but the Chinese version refers to a poem by Li Po, which he wrote about famously hot Tang Dynasty imperial consort Yang Guifei (杨贵妃, yang2 gui4 fei1). And it goes a little something like this: "云想衣裳花想容，春风拂槛露华浓." (yun2 xiang3 yi1 shang hua1 xiang3 rong2, chun1 feng1 fu2 jian4 lu4 hua2 nong2). "Clouds make me think of her clothes and flowers remind me of her visage, the spring breeze blows by her door and reveals her deep magnificence." So Revlon wants Chinese consumers to believe that they will reveal a woman's "deep magnificence," a good thing for a cosmetic product to do!

This is a clever translation that works on several levels: phoenetically (loosely); poetically (real nice) and historically (Yang Guifei is a well-known babe of historic proportions. See statue above!).

Next time: Brand names that don't work! (If I can find any...)

Radical, dude

2008-10-14T14:21:00.021-06:00

Chinese characters are made up of distinct parts called "radicals," or sometimes called "section headers" (bu4 shou3 部首). (So called because of the way you look up characters in a Chinese dictionary.) The current 214-radical system is based on the Kang Xi Dictionary, which was formalized in the 18th century by Qing Dynasty Emperor Kang Xi (kang1 xi1 康熙 ). Most radicals are also characters on their own.

Each radical means something, and often the combination of radicals is a clue to what the whole character means, or sometimes it is a clue to the pronunciation.

For example: The radical 氵 represents "three drops of water (san1 dian'r3 shui3)." It even looks like it!

Then this radical, 目, represents "eye (mu4)." Unlike the 'three drops,' this is an actual character, as well as a radical. Put them together and you have 泪 "tears (lei4)"!

The characters I wanted to talk about today are characters that are made up of the same radical repeated 2 or 3 times within the same character. These are called "totally radical" characters. (Not really). With these you really get a sense of how cool and interesting the language is. Here are some good examples.

1) Forest and the trees: The character/radical mu4, 木, means "wood, or tree." Put two "mu's" together and you have 林 (lin2), which means forest (it's also a surname). Then put three of them together (森, sen1) and the meaning changes to "luxuriant vegetation!" Therefore a common word for forest is sen1 lin2, 森林. So the word for forest in Chinese is essentially "tree tree tree, tree tree."

2) Sound of Thunder: Thunder in Chinese (雷, lei2) is made up of two radicals, rain (雨, yu3) and field (田, tian2). But if you want to convey a really massive, intense, nerve-shattering thunderclap, throw three thunders together to get this insane ideogram:

靐 (bing4).

This pen-destroying character takes a whopping 39 strokes to write, so if you use it you'd better mean it, buster.

3) Ancient chauvanists? The character for woman (女 , nv3) is a representation of a figure kneeling down. If you think that is sexist, check out this one: 姦, jian1, which is three 'woman' radicals all together. This means "villainous, treacherous or debaucherous." (It really makes you wonder what happened to the guy who invented that character.) The 3-woman version is the traditional form of the character. In simplified characters it is 奸, which is less blatant but still has one 'woman' radical in it.

In the same vein, the character 嬲, niao3, is two 'man' radicals on either side of a 'woman.' It means "to flirt or tease."

4) Five elements x 3: In Daoist philosophy, there are five main elements: Metal, Wood, Water, Fire and Earth. (金 jin1, 木 mu4, 水 shui3, 火 huo3, 土 tu3.) Each of these is a radical as well as a word, and each element has a character that is made up of itself repeated three times:

3 Metals: 鑫 xin1, used in names to symbolize prosperity.

3 Woods: 森 sen1, lush vegetation (as described above)

3 Waters: 淼 miao3, vast expanse of water, infinity

3 Fires: 焱 yan4, flames (also has a 2- and 4-radical version: 炎 yan2, inflamed; 燚 yi4, lots of flames)

3 Earths: 垚 yao2, embankment (also has 2-radical version, 圭 gui1, a type of jade tablet.)

There are many more of this type of character. If I find some really weird ones, perhaps I will revisit the topic in the future. Stay tuned!

Sarah Palin in Chinese

2008-10-01T09:46:00.016-06:00

In the interest of getting everyone super-excited to get out and vote, I have revisited this important topic: Wacky translations of U.S. candidates' Chinese names.

Previously I revealed the translations of the Chinese names of U.S. presidential candidates/hopefuls. But now that we have the VPs settled as well, it is about time to disclose how these two people - Joe Biden and Sarah Palin - are named in the Chinese press. Their names are two more classics in the 'messed-up-out-of-context-literal-translation' category.

Let's start with everyone's favorite right-wing mooseslayer Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. (莎拉佩林, sha1 la1 pei4 lin2). Her first name, Sarah, is composed of two characters: 莎 sha1; 拉 and la1.

莎 The first character actually has two pronunciations: sha1 and suo1. Read "suo," it is a type of sedge grass apparently used to make ancient raincoats. The "sha" pronunciation is generally used as a phonetic element in foreign names like Shakespeare and Mona Lisa. But it also has a third meaning: a type of insect. The "sha"-bug is a katydid or long-horned grasshopper, otherwise known in Chinese as the (纺织娘 fang3 zhi1 niang2), which literally means "weaving girl." (I don't get it either.)

拉 The second part of Sarah is "la1." Also a favorite with phoneticizers, this character actually means "to pull." OK onto the last name: 佩林 pei4 lin2, which in Chinese sounds pretty close to the English pronunciation.

佩 Pei4 has multiple meanings including "to carry or hang off of," "admire," and "girdle ornament." The last refers to the practice in ancient China where women used to wear jade ornaments that hung off of their belts. And...

林 Lin2 is composed of two "wood" radicals, and therefore means "woods," or "forest."

Let's recap: Sarah Palin's name in Chinese means: "Katydid pulls the girdle-ornament forest."

OK, on to Obama's running mate, Sen. Joe Biden (乔拜登 qiao2 bai4 deng1). Biden's name is usually written as just a 2-character transliterated surname: 拜登, bai4 deng1. The "qiao" part is supposed to sound like "Joe." Here's how it breaks down:

乔 Qiao2 means tall or lofty. It is also a real Chinese surname, so it gives his name a slight air of authenticity, though here is it supposed to sound like his first name, Joe.

拜 Bai4 means to bow, or kowtow, or to worship.

登 Deng1 means to scale, climb, or to mount.
Not terribly exciting, but in a nutshell Biden's name means: Tall kowtows and mounts. But, if we take the qiao2 to be "Joe" and combine it with Obama's Chinese name we have a more interesting-sounding final Democratic ticket:

Joe kowtows and mounts Mysterious sticky horse.

Who wouldn't vote for that?

Note: I admit that the title of this post is a shameless attempt to have Google find my blog, just in case someone searches for how to say Palin's name in Chinese.

The art of the Wait-For-It Phrase, or "xie hou yu"

2008-09-17T12:06:00.005-06:00

In a previous post I described the 歇后语, xie1 hou4 yu3, or "wait-for-it phrase," (WFI) a figure of speech in Chinese that is used humorously to express an idea in an ironic or pun-like way.
Other languages have similar playful phrases.

Cockney rhyming slang, for example: "Shut yer bloomin' boat!" wherein "boat" refers to "boat race" which rhymes with "face," so it means "shut your face." Or: "Lend us a Percy, I need to make a call." Where Percy = Percy Thrower (British TV gardening personality), which rhymes with "blower,"which means "phone." ... I know.

Or American English:
(From the Fat Albert Show, courtesy of Eric, of the Internet, possibly classmate Eric Aldrich from Nanjing University)
"Man, you're like school in the summertime - no class."
"Mudbone, you're like Robinson Crusoe - all washed up."
"Your sister's like a doorknob - everybody gets a turn." (I don't think Fat Albert ever said that one)

The above examples are close to the Chinese wait-for-it phrase, but there is a slight difference. In English, the punchline says what you were trying to say about the person in the first place, e.g. "you have no class." But the xie hou yu takes it one step further. Observe:

1) "You're like an ant peeing on a book - you can't read well."
At first it doesn't make sense, but the WFI phrase is: 蚂蚁尿书上 -- 识（湿）字不多 (ma3 yi3 niao4 shu1 shang4 - shi2 (shi1) zi4 bu4 duo1). 'An ant pees on a book -- not many characters get wet' But the word 湿 (shi1, 'wet'), sounds like 识 (shi2*, 'recognize' - in this case referring to characters) so the answer sounds like 'can't recognize very many characters'. (*Even tho the tones are different, it is still a homonym in this case. I didn't know that before.)

The kicker, or second part of the phrase, is an established saying (that is the point of saying the phrase), but it is also a pun! Layers upon layers of cleverness.

Here is another one. 一百天不拉屎 - 坚持不懈 (yi1 bai2 tian1 bu4 la1 shi3 - jian1 chi2 bu4 xie4) "Not [going No. 2] for 100 days - perseverance without rest" (The kicker - 坚持不懈 - means 'perseverance without rest,' and is an established phrase sometimes used when referring to revolutionary gung-ho-ness. But here, the last character in the phrase, 懈 (xie4, 'to rest') and 泄 (xie4, 'to drain, or evacuate (the bowels)' are homonyms. Get it?

Not all are scatological of course. Those are just more immature and thus more easily understood by yours truly. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of WFI phrases. Sometimes they are fairly straightforward (and more directly translatable):

2) "You're like a dog catching mice - not minding your own business"
狗咬耗子 -- 多管闲事 (gou3 yao3 hao4 zi -- duo1 guan3 xian2 shi4) You know, because catching mice is the cat's job, so the dog is getting all up in the cat's business.

3) "A mute eating Chinese goldthread - can't express your troubles."
哑巴吃黄莲 — 有苦说不出 (ya1 ba1 chi 1 huang2 lian2 - you3 ku3 shuo1 bu4 chu1)
The plant Chinese goldthread (黄莲) is really bitter, and "eating bitterness" refers to troubles or problems in Chinese.

4) "A monk living in a cave - no problem."
老和尚住山洞 -- 没事。（没寺）(lao3 he2 shang zhu4 shan1 dong4 - mei2 shi4 (mei2 si4) )In this case, "no problem" (没事 mei2 shi4) sounds like "no temple" (没寺 mei2 si4) which is the pun. The monk lives in the cave cuz he's got no temple, but it sounds like 'no problem.'

This one is interesting too, because as we saw before, sometimes different-toned characters can be taken as homonyms (like with 'wet' and 'recognize' in #1) but here, we have what I like to call "regional consonantal elision." (Just made that up) In some parts of China phonemes like "shi" and "chi" are pronounced without the "h," so like, "si" and "ci." In Taiwan, for example, they will say "ci1 fan4," (eat) and "ci2 hui4" (vocabulary) whereas in Beijing they will say "chi1 fan4" and "ci2 hui4."

OK last one.

5) "Zhang Fei throwing a chicken feather - has great strength but difficulty implementing things"
张飞扔鸡毛--有劲难使 (Zhang1 Fei1 reng4 ji1 mao2 - you3 jing4 nan2 shi3)
This is an example of a literary/historical WFI phrase. Zhang Fei is a character in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms (also a real general). He had legendary strength and skill, so him throwing a feather is like yeah, he could put all his strength into it, but it really would not accomplish much.

Water bears in Spaaaace!

2008-09-08T15:14:00.010-06:00

[Note: This has little to do with Chinese or translation, just was interesting to me.]

The other day I read all about these weird creatures called tardigrades, also known as "water bears." [OK, there is some Chinese in this post: water bear = 水熊 (shui3 xiong2) ] They are microscopic invertebrates who have eight legs with little claws and look like strange, alien gummi bears. They also have a sweet skill called "cryptobiosis," where in extreme environments they dry up into little balls, called "tuns," and their metabolism slows to 0.01% of its normal rate.

I was reading a study today about an experiment where these German and Swedish scientists put a bunch of tardigrade tuns onto a spaceship and exposed the water bears to the vacuum of space and strong UV radiation. They brought them back to Earth, and most of them survived and were able to reproduce after being rehydrated.

What captured my interest was 1) the way these things look (see photos) and 2) the fact that they can survive in space unprotected. Altho it is important to note that the water bears are not actual "extremophiles" since they do not "live" in extreme environments (preferring to live in drops of water on moss leaves), but they can survive extreme conditions.

PREDICTION: Someday people will be injected with water bear genes and will be able to dry up, get launched into space at near light speed and wind up on a habitable planet 6,000 years later, rehydrate and begin partying.

Beijing Dairy Air - the origin of "niu bi"

2008-09-04T15:20:00.017-06:00

My most successful (in terms of views) posting so far was the one about the Chinese saying "jia you" (let's go!). In that entry I mentioned another, more infamous Chinese exclamation: "Niu bi!" (牛屄 niu2 bi1, pronounced "nee-yo bee"). This phrase is interesting for a number of reasons.

1) It is used as a cheer, but also an exclamation meaning "awesome," or "fantastic."

2) It literally means "cow [bad word for genitalia]."

3) The real character for "bi1" is so graphic and profane that almost nobody uses it. The substitute character most often used is "逼", which is a homonym for the other word but actually means "to compel." Another substitute is the Roman letter "B." [If you search Google for each of these combinations, the real phrase (牛屄) yields about 31,000 results. The second, euphemistic, 牛逼 comes up with 3 million, and "牛B" gives up about 5 million results.]

4) It's origin is an enigma, surrounded by riddles, shrouded in mystery. (You know, like Russia)

5) I will now attempt to explain, for the first time ever, the history of this colorful and bizarre phrase for the Western audience.

Theories abound online about the origin of the phrase. It is worth mentioning that there are two versions of the expression, with slightly different meanings. The first is as I described above, 牛屄, niu bi, meaning great or awesome. The second version is 吹牛屄 (chui1 niu2 bi1), which literally means "blowing the cow ****." This means "to boast or brag." You can also just say "chui niu," blowing the cow, which also means to brag. What the hell, you might ask. The prevailing theory is that 吹牛屄 (chui niu bi) is actually a corruption of the less-dirty 吹牛皮 (chui niu pi2), which also means to boast (lit. "blowing the cow skin"). The parables I found on Chinese search engine Baidu that make *the most sense* (they are still weird) are as follows:

1) The Boastful Butcher

Long ago (and still today) after a butcher slaughtered a sheep or a pig and drained all the blood out, the butcher would cut a small hole in the animal's leg, near the foot. They would insert an iron pipe into the hole, and blow into the pipe until the carcass was fully inflated. This made it much easier to skin the animal, and with just a light touch of the knife the skin would come right off. This was called "blowing the pig" or "blowing the sheep." If you do this to a cow, it is called "blowing the cow." But, butchers rarely used this method on cows, because the cow's body is so large, and its skin is tough, and there is little fat under the skin. So to inflate an entire cow carcass in this manner would take an incredibly strong diaphragm and super-powerful lungs, so only an extraordinary person could do it. So whoever says they can "blow the cow (吹牛 chui niu)" is 99.9999% "blowing the cow!"

2) Crafty Rafters

According to experts' research, the Chinese expression "blowing the cow skin" comes from the upper reaches of the Yellow River. As the river flows through the provinces of Qinghai, Gansu, Ningxia and Shaanxi, the waters are fierce, the waves are hazardous and piloting boats is difficult. In ancient times, when bridges were not so developed, the people on the shores had to figure out how to deal with the difficult problem of crossing the river. So they came up with the idea of using leather rafts instead of boats. Until the 1950s, before trains had reached these areas, leather rafts were an important transport tool for the people living along the upper reaches of the Yellow River.

The basics of a leather raft are as follows: During slaughter, the butcher would remove the skin of a sheep or a cow as one piece. Then they used salt water to remove all the hair, spread plant oil on the four limbs and neck, soaked it in water, and dried it in the sun. After it became soft, they sewed it up with a thin cord to make a sealed bag, leaving just one small hole. After it was blown up the hole was sealed and several of these leather bags were linked together with wooden boards, and thus a raft was created. And in those days, there were no pumps so the only way to inflate these rafts was to use your mouth. A sheep skin was pretty small and you could just blow it up. But even with the sheep skin, it took a lot of lung strength to do it. But a cow skin was too big, and it could not be done by using your mouth only. So, along the upper Yellow River, if someone said he could blow up a cow skin raft, he was considered a braggart. The people there, not tolerant of boastful words, would say to those who bragged about themselves: "If you really have what it takes, go down to the river and blow up a cow skin! (吹牛皮 chui niu pi), " So, over time, "blow the cow skin" came to mean brag or boast.

---

Eventually the phrase was altered by Beijingers and the dirty part was added to connote extra vehemence when deriding a braggart. Then, the 吹 (blow) part was dropped and the last part, cow ****, was left and came to mean totally awesome.
Ah, Language. What a bizarre and twisted mistress you are.
Some other theories from Web forums:

"Some say that because a niu bi is pretty big, “niu bi” has the meaning of surpassing the ordinary. I think this makes sense, and submit it to the reader for consideration."

"The phonetics of the word were corrupted. 'Pi' was changed erroneously in Beijing to the similar sounding and oft-used word, 'bi.'"

"Beijingers have always been clever and inventive and full of humor. Maybe they thought that “pi” was too boring and abstract. Why would you blow a “pi”? Let’s blow the cow “bi”! This song is offered as evidence:

If you want to blow 'niu bi,'
First climb the West Drum Tower.
Buy a leather pipe
Aim at the 'niu bi'
Use a little effort,
And the cow will roll its eyes"

You decide!

Do old words ring true?

2008-08-23T21:00:00.006-06:00

Chinese film director Zhang Yimou directed the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympics this year. I could definitely see his influence, especially in the closing ceremonies, where they had the multi-colored banners flying up to look like the torch. The guy loves large swathes ot textiles for some reason, and they appear in many of his films.

Almost 10 years ago, I interviewed Zhang for the magazine "Beijing This Month" (Feb., 1999). In the interview I asked him if he thought he was an "international figure." At that time he had directed the movies "Raise High the Red Lantern" and "To Live," and "Red Sorghum." He had directed other films, but those were known to the West (in a limited capacity). At the time, he replied:

"I don't really think I am 'internationalized.' First of all, I can't speak English. I only speak Chinese, so it's not convenient to go abroad. My main activities are all in China."

Now, with the international success of his films like "Hero" and "House of Flying Daggers," and of course his work with the Olympics, the most international of all events, he might say differently. (I don't know if he has learned English yet.)

I was sifting through that old interview, and found a quote that I thought was kind of intriguing, based on some of the controversies centered on the Olympics. His quote was in response to a question about his being criticized for showing an unpleasant part of Chinese history, for example in "Raise the Red Lantern." That film is about a woman who becomes a concubine of a landlord in 1920's China. Some Chinese critics were saying that he only shows negative things about China and panders to Western audiences. So he said:

"China is very interesting... You know, 'Donkey sh*t is shiny on the surface.' [驴子屙屎外面光 lv2 zi e4 shi3 wai4 mian4 guang1] The Chinese traditional mentality is to dress up and present a beautiful side to everybody. People are not always willing to face reality."

In terms of language, with his donkey analogy, Zhang was using a mode of speech known as 歇后语 (xie1 hou4 yu3), or "wait-for-it phrases." That's not the real name for them, but they are pun-like phrases often used to express satirical ideas. I remember in school in Nanjing one classmate did a presentation on these types of sayings. His comparison was with an English language dis: "Your sister is like a door knob -- everybody gets a turn." The online dictionary mdbg.net defines "xie hou yu" as a "stable figure of speech contrasting two incompatible parts, such as English 'snowball's chances in hell.'"

I call them "wait-for-it phrases" because you say the first part, e.g. "A donkey takes a sh*t ---" and then say the punchline (wait for it....) "--shiny on the surface." (I think I will dedicate my next post to wait-for-it phrases. Stay tuned!)

In more profound terms, consider Zhang's words in light of the singing girls Yang Peiyi and Lin Miaoke. Yang was considered not perfect-looking enough to be in the ceremony, so Lin was substituted and lip-synched while Yang sang in the background. Then there is the gymnastics team. Who knows if they are 16 or not? But it seems like they are, so that is very important.

And then there is the entirety of the Olympic complex and the renovation of the city. Millions of people were displaced to make room for the buildings -- which are amazing, no doubt about that. The real thing to look for is what will happen from now on, now that the games are over? Will the shiny surface of Beijing be worn away to expose mere donkey dung, or does the city have new substance now that it has been the star of the biggest international show on the planet?

China, add oil!

2008-08-16T12:19:00.007-06:00

When Olympics fans are cheering the U.S. team, the main chant is "USA! USA!"

In China, the cheer is 中国队加油! (Zhong1 guo2 dui4 jia1 you2), Basically it means, "let's go Chinese team." Fairly simple, but there is an interesting story behind it. The first part 中国队, means "Chinese team." But the second part, 加油, (pronounced "jyah yo") literally means "add oil," or "add gasoline," as in "gas station": 加油站 (jia1 you2 zhan4).

NPR had a story about "jia you" being the officially sanctioned cheer for the games, but Beijing correspondent Anthony Kuhn said the origins of "jia you" are mysterious and might refer to stepping on the gas in a car, or adding cooking oil to a pot. There is also a NY Times blog about it. One of the responses to that post actually references the story I have translated below. Both the NPR and the NYT stories came out in the last couple of days, so for some reason people are thinking about it. (I am writing about it because Michala was asking me about the origin of the phrase last night.)

Here is a translation of the real story, according to the all-knowing international network of computers.

The origin of the phrase "jia you" dates back to the 14th century.

Liu2 Bo2 Wen1 (刘伯温) (1311-1375) was a famous Ming Dynasty general. But he always regretted that he did not live in the same era as the cleverest and most famous general of all time, Zhu1 Ge3 Liang4 (诸葛亮) (181-234). Since Zhuge Liang was long dead, there was no way for Liu Bowen to try and match wits with him.

One day Liu and his army came upon a plum tree forest. His mouth was dry and he spat on the ground, but when the spit hit the ground, it made a sharp "splat" sound. Perplexed, he ordered his men to cut the grass and brush around the spot to see what was there that would make such a noise. To his surprise, he found a stone monument that read: "Liu Bowen spat here." To his even further surprise, the monument was signed by Zhuge Kongming, the courtesy name of Zhuge Liang. He was impressed that Zhuge Liang would be that clever as to predict that Liu would spit there one day, but he was still not convinced that Zhuge Liang was smarter than he, so he kept going into the forest.

Before long, he came upon a tomb. Taking a closer look, he discovered that it was none other than the grave of Zhuge Liang. He thought to himself, "Not bad, Zhuge Liang. You predicted that I would spit here on this day, but I bet you couldn't predict that I would find your tomb."

So Liu had his men open up the tomb, and he walked in by himself. He looked around and finally found Zhuge's sarcophagus. Next to it was a small oil lamp, that was flickering, just on the verge of running out of oil. Liu thought: "Hmph. Everyone says how clever and awesome you were, but here you are today, with your altar lamp about to extinguish itself."

But then he noticed next to the lamp was a piece of parchment, so he looked at it more closely. On the paper was written: "Old Liu, Old Liu, add oil, add oil." At this, he was dumbfounded, and immediately kowtowed before the sarcophagus three times. He then swept the tomb, out of newfound respect for Zhuge Liang. Henceforth the phrase "Add oil" has been used to encourage people.

I'm not sure how the story translates into cheering for a volleyball team, but there are lots of these parables out there, and many of them are old, but have led to phrases that are used today.

"Jia you" is not only used in sports, though. Right after the Chengdu earthquake, for example, the phrase was all over the Internet as a general "keep your head up" type of sentiment.

In his NPR report, Kuhn also referred to one of the "unsanctioned" cheers used by Beijingers, "niu2 bi1," which literally means "cow [genitalia]." I'll save the origin of that lovely phrase for a later post.

Poor zoning

2008-08-12T17:23:00.002-06:00

All right, I had to get a picture of this and post it. It is too strange. On my commute to work there is a big cemetery, and a bunch of death-related businesses. But this little mall has several things grouped together that I think are bad marketing choices.
You've got your crematorium -- and your bakery. Then there's "Casket Mart," which is odd in itself, next to a meat & sausage store.
Is it just me, or is that a little creepy?

Writers of the Future!

2008-07-29T10:47:00.003-06:00

I found out today that I received "honorable mention" in the Writers of the Future contest for 3rd Quarter 2008!
It is very exciting because this is a large, international, reputable contest for unpublished science fiction/fantasy writers. I entered a story I worked on this spring, titled "Charged Contact." The story is about a planetary geologist who is sent to a planet to perform a simple mineral extraction, but things take a turn for the wierd when he discovers the extraction site is not as barren as it is supposed to be... . Maybe I will post an excerpt on this blog in the future.
This is one of the only contests I have entered, and it is a real boost to be named honorably mentionable. I think I might get a certificate too, plus I can include it on a cover letter if I want to submit the story to a magazine.

I just started a new job, so that is why I have been lazy about posting blogs. The new job is taking some getting used to, but it is still reporting, so I am in somewhat familiar territory, aside from the subject matter (veterinary medicine).

In other news, Michala and I played in the State Games of the West badminton tournament in Colorado Springs on Sunday. In Mens B Singles I won my first round, but lost in the second round to the eventual winner of the division, some dude from Oregon. In mens B doubles my partner and I lost the last round in the consolation bracket, so did not get the bronze. Michala and I won the silver medal in the Mixed C division. Should have won the gold, but oh well.

Ancient Enemies no more

2008-07-09T06:53:00.011-06:00

Imagine trying to translate a book if all you had were the cover, and someone who had read it like 80 years ago. You could get an idea of what it was about, but the details wouldn't be there.

I just got back from an fantastic trip to Mesa Verde National Park down in southwestern Colorado. The main feature of the park is the series of ancient cliff dwellings, constructed from sandstone blocks and mortar, like the one above, which is part of the structure called Cliff Palace. (Taken by me with my awesome new used Nikon D70s.)

For some reason I really got into learning about the history of the place and the people who lived there. I had seen some of these ruins before, when I was on a Colorado Outward Bound School trip in high school. I remembered that the people who lived in the dwellings were called Anasazi, and they mysteriously disappeared. Well, a lot has changed since then...

Anasazi is a Navajo word, which means "ancient enemy," or "enemy ancestors," or "ancient people who are not us," depending on which web site you go by. But now, according to the parks people, the preferred term is "Ancestral Puebloans." This is because the accepted wisdom now is that instead of mysteriously vanishing, the people who lived there simply moved. The minor mystery is why did they move, but it is generally thought now that the Pueblo Indians who are around today, such as the Hopi and Zuni, are the ancestors of the "Anasazi."

The Hopi prefer to call them Hisatsinom (hih-ZAHT-sih-nohm), "the old ones," (not to be confused with Yog-Sothoth and Cthulu, Lovecraft fans) or more spookily, Moqui, "the dead." The Hopi apparently don't like the use of a Navajo word for their ancestors, which makes sense since the Navajo are a separate culture. Other Pueblo groups have other names for them.

The stuff they tell you at the park about the Hisatsinom culture is all inferred from modern Pueblo Indian culture (a method known as "ethnographic analogy"), since there were no written recordings left by the Hisatsinom. They did leave some rock art, or petroglyphs, but those are not considered language - yet, anyway. Obviously they had some sort of spoken language, because the traditions and culture have been communicated continuously for several thousand years.

Some details are still alive, like the "sipapu," a hole in the bottom of the kiva (a ceremonial underground room), that is a reminder of where the people came from, i.e. the Lower World. The kivas actually seem to be the evolved version of the pithouse, which was what they lived in from at least 1500 BC to 800 AD or so.

How well does a culture translate from antiquity into the present? The modern Pueblo Indians continue their traditions today, but how different are they from the time of the Hisatsinom? It probably doesn't really matter. The cool thing is that there exists a multi-millenial continuity in their cultural heritage. How many of us can say that?

What, the devil?

2008-06-24T21:12:00.009-06:00

Recently, my good friend Mary Anne sent me this mysterious picture of an octagonal coin that she found somewhere. She was wondering if it had ancient and benevolent Confucian messages on it, and at first glance it sure does not.

The first thing that catches the eye when seeing this coin is the large encircled character in the middle. It says "KILL."

The character on the right I knew said "ghost" or "demon." And on the left it clearly says "thunder" but under that is a weird one so I tried to look up the entire poem in an attempt to see if there was an explanation somewhere.

One clue was on the other side of the coin, (not pictured) which has the Eight Trigrams or 八卦(ba1 gua4), from the Book of Changes (易经 yi4 jing1). They are used for divination and other types of fortunetelling stuff I am not real clear on. So the coin was some sort of Taoist medallion or a replica thereof.

Searching for the second stanza in the poem (which I did because I recognized all four characters in it) led me to a Chinese forum where someone had discovered a similar coin and was wondering about its value. Turns out (according to this person anyway), that the coin is a Taoist talisman, inscribed with a spell to ward off evil. Which as a former D&D player and eternal fan of sorcery, real magicks, weirde shite, the occult, et cetera, I found to be really awesome.

I figured out that this coin is called 符咒钱 (fu2 zhou4 qian2), or "charmed money." AKA 避邪钱 (bi4 xie2 qian2) "Ward-against-evil money." Its purpose is not to be exchanged for goods or services like regular money, but rather to protect your very soul from possession by demonic forces. Which I suppose is technically a "service," but what I'm saying is, you can't buy a veggie dumpling with this thing.
In Chinese the full text reads as follows:
雷霆雷霆、杀鬼降精、斩妖除邪、永保神清。奉太上老君急急如令敕

lei2 ting2 lei2 ting2
sha1 gui3 jiang4 jing1
zhan3 yao1 chu2 xie2
yong3 bao1 shen2 qing1

feng4 tai4 shang4 lao3 jun1 ji2 ji2 ru2 lv4 ling3 chi4

The large words on the left middle and right say
"Thunder kills the demons"

Here is how I have translated this spell. Note that I have (masterfully) maintained the Chinese rhyming scheme of 1,1,2,1. (in this case ting, jing, xie, qing)

Sound of thunder, sound of thunder
Kills the ghosts, drives sprites asunder
Beheads the goblins, wards off evil
Forever keeps the soul from plunder.

Tai Shang Lao Jun says it is so.

Tai Shang Lao Jun is a Taoist deity and this line is apparently common in Taoist incantations.

It is interesting to note several things here. First, the repetition mark. On the coin, right side, there is the large character, then going left from top to bottom you see the first two characters and then two squiggles. That indicates repetition. I haven't actually seen a double repetition mark like that. But there it is, and it means to repeat the previous 2 characters. You can find the mark on the left side, below the fifth character. It looks like a "z" kind of. Anyway, there it indicates repetition of the previous character only.

The other parts to notice are the odd, ancient words for ghost, goblin and sprite, and evil. I will go into those at another time. Until then, think of this spell when you hear thunder. Perhaps it is best to recite it a few times as well... Now that there is a definitive English version you should be OK!

Why Dave Matthews should talk to me

2008-06-11T20:56:00.008-06:00

The Mile High Music Festival is approaching. The two day event will be held at Dick's Sporting Goods Stadium in Commerce City, which happens to be one of the cities I cover at work.
When I first found out about the festival, which will take place in August, I saw that Dave Matthews was one of the dozens of bands going to play there.

So I tried to call him. I actually got a hold of his publicist, but she eventually said that he is not available for interviews. Oh, well. Anyway, it looks like I will be able to interview at least some of the acts coming to Commerce City, which ones remains to be seen....

However it seems that the PR people still will not let us interview Dave Matthews. Or Tom Petty for that matter. Anyway, I started thinking about Dave Matthews songs and I remembered one called "The Space Between."

The first time I heard the song, I was wondering if Matthews knew Chinese. Because in Chinese there is a specific word that means "the space between." It is one of my favorite characters, because its very existence is quite poetic.

The word is 间 (jian1). It is poetic because of the different parts - or radicals - that make it up. There are two radicals. 门 (men2) means "door" and 日 (ri4) means "sun." The sun radical is in the middle of the door radical, so one can imagine the source of the word. Someone saw the sun peeking through the middle of a double door, and they thought that was an accurate descriptor for the concept of the space between things. It also means just "between," or "among," but by itself it is simply a beautiful character.

If Matthews had consented to an interview with the Commerce City Sentinel Express, I could have alerted him, but alas, he will have to wait until he discovers my blog to find that out.

"random" post

2008-05-31T19:39:00.013-06:00

In high school, I wasn't great at math. My mom always said to think of it as another language.

In the case of a recent job, I learned how little I know about that language. I was translating, as usual, a diploma and transcript. Often I come across a course or two in the transcripts that I am not familiar with, but usually it makes some sense, like Fundamentals of Biogenetics. But this person had a masters degree in computer science, and let me tell you there are some strange things in that field.

The first thing I learned, which I should have known already, is the word for "random." I'm not sure I really used this word much when I was in China, although I know when I was describing life in Beijing to English-speakers I would definitely use it. "Random" in Chinese is 随机 (sui3 ji1). Now, 机 is a complicated word. It can mean "opportunity," but it can also mean "machine." Also "secret." It is also a type of tree. Anyway, the question here is which is it in 随机?

"Random" could be defined as "following an opportunity." Take the definition in the Xinhua online dictionary: It gives the example of "a reporter walked on the street, randomly interviewing people." In other words, interviewing people as he/she randomly encountered them. But in the context of computers, it could be interpreted as "following the machine," like randomly generated numbers, or random access memory. "Following the secret" and "following the tree" don't really work, so we will conveniently disregard them.

I am sure the Chinese word was invented before computers, so it is likely one of those strange, in-between words, that express concepts as they were developed in China, but don't translate directly into English, but are now used in certain contexts.

Here are some more odd math words I discovered.

离散数学 - (li2 san4 shu4 xue2) - discrete mathematics
Sounds like a euphemism for bookie math, but actually this is the branch of mathematics that deals with "discrete" objects like integers (-2, 0, 99), instead of "continuous" objects, like real numbers (-2.5, 1.1, 42.9). Basically it involves algorithms, graph theory, combinatorics, and other really complicated stuff that computer geeks know. (This information was cobbled together from various Internet sites, and is very likely incomprehensible and/or incorrect).
The first part of the word in Chinese, 离散, literally means "leave and scatter," and is usually used in terms of relatives who don't see each other. Probably because they are always doing lattice theory homework in the computer lab. It is also translated as "discrete" for some reason.

排队论 (pai2 dui4 lun4)- Queueing theory
This is a theory that explains why, when you are in the checkout line (or queue) at Costco, you get in the shortest line, but it actually takes the longest. Then it goes on to explain why when you jump lines, the cash register in your new line suddenly freezes up, or the 10 pound pack of cashews won't scan.
Actually that isn't too far off. Queueing Theory (apparently that is the correct spelling) is very complex, but it deals with formulas that try to anticipate how much resources are needed to provide service to customers who are either waiting in line on the phone or online or whatever. According to Shmula's Queueing Theory page, it also involves something called Little's Law and something else called heijunka. Now we are getting into multiple languages so I will stop.

Here are two more, just for S&Gs:
面向对象方法学 - Object-oriented methodology
统一建模语言 - Unified modeling language

The Physics of Falling Contacts

2008-05-27T12:22:00.004-06:00

This is a poem I wrote after I almost lost a contact lens.

The Physics of Falling Contacts

The common laws of physics are suspended for a bit,
Some mornings when I get up and at the mirror sit.
I take a piece of plastic: small concave and blue,
And stick it on my eyeball -- if my aim is true.
Oftentimes I miss my mark and down the contact goes,
Or sideways, backwards, even up - why that is no one knows.
Shrodinger his kitty, has got nothing on these things,
For once they come out of their box, only trouble do they bring.
With the contact lens there's only one true state of being,
That's "aggravation," man, but it's worth it for my seeing.

Note: the Schrodinger's Cat reference is about this theoretical quantum mechanics experiment where there is a cat in a box and a vial of poison which is released or not by a radioactive particle decaying. Then there is something about the cat's existing as both a live cat and a dead cat until it is actually observed, at which time its state of being is fixed, or at least it is affected by the act of being observed. I probably got it wrong but it fit into the poem nicely I thought.

5-12

2008-05-20T15:11:00.007-06:00

Working on a translation the other day, I logged onto Chinese Google. I was surprised to see the signature colorful "Google" title in grey, and a black and white banner with the exact date and time of the huge earthquake that hit Sichuan Province on May 12.

The banner reads: "May 12, 2008, 2:28 p.m. Let us always remember this moment, and wish peace for those who perished, and strength for those who survived."

Clicking on the banner brings you to an information page, which has links to news about the quake, and also has a feature where you can type in a message looking for a relative. Or, you can send a text message to a server with your name, location and contact information so others can find you. Google also has a search page where information for survivors has been posted. It says: "As of May 21, 5 a.m., 38,200 entries have been recorded, covering 80 hospitals."

A typical entry says:
Name: Ren Zhiping
Sex: female
Age: 21
Home address: Du Jiang Yan
Hospital: Chengdu No. 5 People's Hospital
Then it has the phone number and the last time of update: May 20

It is really interesting to see the online ripples of the quake. The first thing I thought of when I saw the 5/12 banner in black and white was 9/11. I remember looking up CNN.com that day and the whole Web site was messed up and the format was different. The fact that a familiar Web site looked so different was jarring and unsettling. Of course Google often changes its logo to suit an occasion or a holiday, but the change to black and white - the Chinese colors of mourning - had a similarly disconcerting effect.

I was in Chengdu once, and traveled through Sichuan Province briefly, but I have some vivid memories from there. It is a beautiful (and super poor) place with amazing food and a huge variety of people and cultures. I'm with Google in wishing peace and strength to all the people there.

UPDATE: Actually it looks like all of the search engines are doing the black&white color scheme as part of a whole period of mourning, not just Google.

Compassion vs. Competition

2008-05-05T12:37:00.011-06:00

Competition is derived from the Latin, competere, which means "to strive for together." Compassion is also from a Latin word, compati, meaning "to suffer with." They both feature the "com-" prefix, meaning "together." And both of these concepts can translate into the setting of say, a badminton tournament, where players are both suffering and striving together -- to win.

But the questions I had to ask myself at the last tournament in Fort Collins were: Is it possible to be compassionate in the midst of competition? Or is the "killer instinct" necessary to become a winner?

Here is the scenario: Last time, Michala and I had played a tournament together in the B bracket at the Colorado Open. In our first match we got summarily trounced by a guy who was clearly an A-level player; and his daughter, who was clearly inexperienced (not to mention like 12 years old) and probably a C or below. We kind of avoided smashing at the girl, since she was young and it seemed kind of wrong. But we paid for it by losing the match. Our compassion for the opponent cost us the match; or at least it cost us a bunch of points, which is the currency of badminton medals.

This time at the Fort Collins Open, we played down a level, in the C-bracket, thinking we would have a better chance at winning. But, the lesson from our last tournament came back to us in a new and diabolical form. This time, our opponents were a really good woman, paired with a beginner guy. I had talked briefly with the guy earlier and knew he was a newbie, and we'd also seen them play together. So from a purely strategic point of view, we realized we had to play the guy as much as possible, and avoid hitting to the woman who could probably return anything we threw at her. Which is exactly what we did. I felt slightly sorry for the guy as we were hitting and smashing at him, but we were winning, and I figured that it was all in the name of competition, so let 'em have it.

OK, the game was won and we moved on. We were going to be in the finals! Yay! But wait. Here comes the guy from the previous game, walking over to me. I said Hi. But he was mad at me. He said I was "unprofessional" and played with poor character. He said he is good at pool, but if we were playing pool he would not treat me the same way. I didn't know what to say so I said I was sorry. The slight twinge of guilt I had during the match with him and his partner suddenly mutated into a giant guilt-monster. I had caused this guy to have a bad time, and it was because of trying to be competitive.

He was suffering alone by losing, thus there was a lack of compassion there from me. But were he and I both striving for the same thing, i.e. competing? I was striving to win. Was he merely striving to have fun? And is that really in the spirit of the overall tournament setting? His comment about pool made me wonder: if I was in a pool tournament with the guy, would he really not try to beat me, and instead play down or let me win? Probably not. (I am bad at pool anyway, so it is a valid hypothetical situation -- not that he knew that.)

In the finals, we faced a team of a high level male player, and his wife, who was not as good. We knew to play the woman as much as possible, but we wound up not being able to do that very effectively. Not because we felt bad about doing it, it was just that the guy was much better. So we got the silver medal, which was great, and we felt we'd earned it, especially because of the final match, which went to 3 games (you play best of 3).

It might just be that there are no clear lines here. We have another tournament coming up on Sunday, and hopefully we can continue to learn from our experiences. This time we have decided to play in the B bracket again, to test ourselves.

Is playing to win a sin? Honestly, I don't think so, as long as we are growing and learning and suffering along with everyone else while striving to get better. But I still feel for the guy.

Character development

2008-04-22T15:02:00.006-06:00

Emperor Qin Shi Huang (秦始皇) (259-210 BC) unified China by standardizing weights and measures, building roads, burying Confucian scholars alive, burning books, and also standardizing the Chinese language.
This was no easy task because even today there are myriad dialects in China and many of them cannot understand each other. But, if you learn to read, everyone can read the newspaper. In mainland China they use simplified characters, as opposed to traditional characters, used in Taiwan and Hong Kong. Here is an example of a simplified vs a traditional character.
These two characters are the same (gui3, turtle):
龟 (simplified)
龜 (traditional)
However, there is also a third type of character: the crazy Cantonese characters. These characters are definitely not Qin Shi Huang approved, and they make no sense if you don't know what you are looking at. I recently had a translation project that used these characters, and it was pretty difficult trying to decipher it. Here are a few of them that I learned:

啱喇 (ngaam1 laa3): "That's correct." The first character is completely made up to fit an existing Cantonese word for "right, appropriate." The second is just a final sound to have the exclamation end in a long vowel noise. If you try to say it out loud, just drag out the "laaa" for about 3 whole seconds while trailing off, and you will be speaking expert Cantonese. It is interesting to note that many of the characters that are made up to fit existing words have a "mouth" radical (口) next to them, like these two do. In real characters that often indicates that the word has something to do with your mouth (the above 喇 is also part of a real word for trumpet), but it can also indicate a purely spoken word.

唔係 (m4 hai6): "No." Again we see the mouth radical on the word "m." In Cantonese this word basically indicates negation of any verb that follows it. However, it is also a real character that means "hold in the mouth." The second character is also a real word meaning "link, connection." In this case the words were probably chosen due to their similarity in pronunciation to the Cantonese words for "not" and "is," which equals the word for no.

細蚊仔 (sai3 men1 zai2): "Children." This is kind of a really weird one. If you take the meanings of the characters literally, it means "thin mosquito babies." I can only guess that it is a combination of pronunciation and a good sense of humor. Another word for children is 細路哥 (sai3 lou6 go1) "thin road brother." Yeah, I know.

Qin Shi Huang may have forced thousands of people to build the Great Wall, and created a huge tomb with terra cotta soldiers guarding his body, but the barbarians eventually went around the Wall to invade China, and people dug up the soldiers. (Actually there is a movie about him which I really like called 古今大战秦俑情 (Ancient and Modern War of the Terra Cotta Lovers), starring Zhang Yimou and Gong Li.) So I guess it is only fitting that the Chinese language is once again becoming divided. Which is OK, really. I mean the guy was kind of a maniac.

The lost language of trains

2008-04-10T11:34:00.011-06:00

If you never thought about it, you might think trains just blow their horns randomly as they are going by.

I used to be one of those people, until I moved into an apartment that is approximately 100 feet from a "grade crossing," or crossing at street level.

Now, every night between 12 and 4 a.m., a train rolls by and blasts its horn at a bone-rattling 100 dB. While working on a news story for the Brighton Blade about train "quiet zones" I discovered that the trains blow their horns in certain patterns, which mean different things. In the loose constraints of the blogosphere, I figure this information fits into the translation motif, and so here is a brief posting about the strange language of trains....

Below is a list of the common signals. The main one we hear at night is the long-long-short-long ( = = o = ) signal, indicating the train is within a 1/4 mile of the crossing. Some engineers take liberties with this signal, and I can now identify the different drivers, based on their interpretation of the signal.

For instance, Mr. Longhorn makes all of his signals really long, so it just drags on forever. Shortround gives two shortish longs, then a really short short burst, but then he lays on the final long for like 10 seconds.

Anyway, here is a list of the now-de-mystified, secret language of trains. (Courtesy of the Union Pacific Web site)

= means long
o means short

Sound		Translation
Succession of short sounds		"Look out you fools" An attempt to get people or cows to look up and get the heck off the train tracks.
=		"Psssst" Hitting the air brakes while train is stopped.
= =		"Leaving Dodge" AKA: woo-woo sound. Train releases brakes and proceeds.
o o		"OK whatever" Acknowledgment of any signal not otherwise provided for.
o o o		"Backing the thing up" Train is backing up, or acknowledging hand signal to back up.
o o o o		"Huh?" A request for a signal to be given or repeated if not understood.
= o o o		"Watch my back" Instruction for flagman to protect rear of train.
= = = =		"Come back!" The flagman may return from west or south.
= = = = =		"Come baaack!" The flagman may return from east or north.
= = o =		"Wake up, Ben and Michala!!" Train is approaching public crossings at grade with engine in front. Signal starts not less than 15 seconds but not more than 20 seconds before reaching the crossing. If movement is 45 mph or greater, signal starts at or about the crossing sign, but not more than 1/4 mile before the crossing if there is no sign. Signal is prolonged or repeated until the engine completely occupies the crossing(s). In addition, this signal is used when approaching private crossings if pedestrians or motor vehicles are at or near the crossing.
o =		"Crap, no brakes!" Inspect the brake system for leaks or sticking brakes.
= o		"Coming through! Quiet zone be damned!" Train is approaching people or equipment on or near the track, regardless of any whistle prohibitions. After this initial warning, "o o" sounds intermittently until the head end of train has passed the people or equipment.

Tela Mundi

2008-04-03T09:59:00.006-06:00

The Internet is fun.
I probably spent like three hours doing research for this graphic that I wanted to post with the tournament posting. Here's how it went down:
I searched for a picture of jousting. Then I found this one, and wanted to put the word "badminton" into the text so it was kind of funny and clever.
But after I inserted the word badminton, I wanted to find out what the original text on the thing actually said. Then it could be even more clever, since it would actually say something in Latin. So I searched for text that I could actually read, namely "di cam deo", and I found
(here is how awesome Google is) this site: http://www.aug.edu/augusta/psalms/psalm41.htm
Which happens to have the entire Paris Psalter Psalm 41 in Latin and its translation -- in Icelandic or something. But I was able to grab the Latin phrase "Apud me oratio Deo vite mee. Dicam Deo: Susceptor meus es."
Notice on the tapestry that "oratio" is actually "oracio." What that implies I don't know. Anyway, I then searched the whole Latin phrase and found this site: http://www.medievalist.net/psalmstxt/ps41.htm
Which in turn allowed me to discover that the phrase is actually part of two verses, that mean:
"With me is the prayer to the God of my life, I will say to God, thou art my support."
Amazing!
So then I played around trying to find other even cleverer things to do to the text. I had "dicam deo forma et filum meus es." Trying to say "I will say to God: thou art my racquet and strings," and I finally found a forum somewhere where I learned how to say "do you want to play __" (ludere cupio ___ ), and then threw in "badmintonus."
SO now it says "With me is the prayer to the god of my life. I will say to God: do you want to play badminton?"
Blasphemous? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.

Rotten cake

2008-04-01T13:54:00.006-06:00

糟糕 (zao1 gao1) in Chinese means "rotten cake." It also means "really bad," which is how I did at the Colorado Open badminton tournament last weekend.
Not that I had a bad time! It was really fun, but that doesn't change the fact that I didn't do very well. Fortunately, there are about 4 other tournaments in the area in the next couple of months, so I have plenty of opportunities to improve/try again.
To the right is a picture of me serving, with my doubles partner Note to the right.
We did well in our first match and moved on to the second round. There, we won our first game against a pair of brothers, I think, but then got sloppy and lost the next two games. Michala was watching from the rafters, and said we would have won the second game if we'd been keeping better track of the score, but such is the way of things I guess.
In mixed doubles, we had been sitting around for about 5 hours, then had 4 minutes or less to warm up. Things were running very late at that point, and needless to say we did poorly. We played an unscheduled match against a very good player -- and his 10-year-old daughter. If you ask me, that was a decision made in poor taste and sportsmanship. OK, he was giving her experience, but the fact was that she barely played, and we didn't want to smash at her (at first) so we got totally spanked.
By the time we caught on to the fact that the only way to beat them was to "attack" the little girl, it was way too late. Then, the same team beat the German guy I lost to in singles and his female partner. During their match I was trying to think of a way to tell him to go after the girl in German, but I couldn't think of it.
Later I thought it might be something like "blitzen der fraulein!!" but I'm not sure. That may have just confused him.
Well, the next tournament is the Fort Collins Open in April. But, I just got a large translation to do so I will likely be distracted by that. It is interesting in that it is written Cantonese, which is quite different from written Mandarin. Mostly the same, but some key words are altered.

Tournament time

2008-03-28T10:46:00.011-06:00

Last night in Westminster the excitement was palpable. The one word zipping around the gym more than "shuttlecock" was: "tournament."
Oh, the heart races at the thought of it! The English word brings to mind ancient battles and jousts and tests of mettle, fair maidens giving away tokens to their champions.
In Chinese, the word for tournament is way more mundane: 比赛 (bi3 sai4), literally "comparison contest." We'll see how my skills stack up.
Today, Friday, March 28, is the first day of the Colorado Open Badminton Tournament. I will be playing singles, men's doubles and mixed doubles. The doubles events are Saturday, but tonight are the singles matches. My first match-up is against Steffen, a German guy who is pretty good. It will be a tough match, but it is good I am playing him early on. He's got more stamina than me so if I faced him tired I'd have less of a chance. My main hope is to overpower him early and bump him out of the way.
I am playing men's doubles with my friend Note, a kid from Thailand. Apparently lots of Thai youngsters have English nicknames that are random words. Note's real name is Pawis. His brother's nickname is Knot. He said most of his friends have similarly monosyllabic English nicknames, so I guess I would fit right in, although the names seem to be nouns.
Last night Note and I played against the pair who won Gold in men's doubles (B) last year, and we beat them 21-10. So we feel pretty good, but we'll have to be aggressive against the players we don't know.
Michala and I will be playing mixed doubles, and again, if we can make it past our first match-up (against Steffen - again - and this woman Addy), we should be OK. I think there are only 8 teams so we have a decent chance of medaling. We've been playing well together recently, and last night we both felt pretty confident.
M is guaranteed a singles medal since there are only 2 women playing singles at all! The winner will get gold in B, the loser will get a gold in C.
I'm excited. I'm wearing my shorts under my work pants. Stay tuned for an update!

Badminton street cred

2008-03-14T16:03:00.014-06:00

Two weeks ago our good friend Gregory was passing through Colorado on his way to Washington state from Vermont. Two things to know about Gregory: he makes great bread, and he is a fantastic badminton player.
Having spent many hours in his Subaru driving across the country, the man naturally wanted to play some badminton. So we took him to our Thursday night badminton gathering in Westminster.
Westminster badminton is great, but there is a weird badminton hierarchy in place.
I've been playing there for six months, and had not played a game with the "A" players, of which there are about 6. I'm pretty good, but not A level. But still, you need to play up in order to get better. Which I suppose is why they don't mix with the riffraff. Anyway, Gregory shows up, plays one game and spends the rest of the night battling the various A players to fight for dominance.
It's kind of like a primal herd, with the strongest Alpha players constantly butting heads to try and maintain superiority. Then another Alpha shows up and they swarm down on him, to make sure they are still in control. It was amusing to watch. If I sound like I am exempting myself from the primal herd model of badminton clubs, I'm not.
Just like any other animal society, the smaller ones (B-level players) want to challenge up and take a shot at the big dogs, or elk, or sloths or whatever. So I figured, since I brought Gregory, (who proved himself firmly in the A category) that should garner me some modicum of street cred, badminton style.
In fact, it did.
Last week, the gym was crowded, with nearly 50 individuals vying for court space. Luckily, I was picked up by Steveboy, a player of decent abilities, to play in a match with two Alpha players: Paul and Rohit. (Steveboy picked me up after I noticed he was choosing people to play with, and I obnoxiously said "pick me pick me!")
I partnered up with Paul, a Canadian (I think), who was typically taciturn as I walked on the court. His only advice: stay up at the net as much as possible (i.e. stay out of the way). But, despite a few stupid shots and unforced errors, I held my own and we defeated Steveboy and Rohit (who is actually very nice.)
Later in the evening, Rohit and Paul and Brent (another Canadian A player) were picking a game, and their fourth was in another match. So I approached them and said cockily: "need a fourth?"
Rohit, being the nice guy he is, said OK, and I got into an unprecedented second A-level game! Inconceivable.
And guess what, this time Rohit and I defeated the Canadian dudes. Nice!
So, did Gregory's coming to visit gain me valuable credibility on the Mean Courts of Westminster Badminton? Well, at least it gave me the confidence to say to the upper level players: I'm ready. Let's play. Word to your shuttle.

Ben's ming nian

2008-03-11T17:34:00.010-06:00

....long hiatus between posts.....
Somehow, everything came together in March, shortly after the beginning of the Chinese new year. Coincidence?
First: I finally got a job! I am a reporter in a northern Colorado suburb. I will be covering the local government and business.
Also: My fiancee and I also found an apartment in a small city west of Denver.
This is the year of the Rat 鼠, (shu3), for those who don't know. That means it is my 本命年 (ben3 ming4 nian2), or "Year of Personal Destiny." (my translation) Everyone has one, and it occurs every 12 years, beginning with the year you were born, as the zodiacal cycle repeats.
I've heard that your personal Year of Destiny is either really good or really bad, no in-betweens. The year of the rat began in early February in 2008, and about a month later, things started to fall into place. First with a job offer, then an apartment offer.

WEIRD SIDE NOTE: Here's a little tidbit of information about Chinese years, not related to the Animal Years thing. In Taiwan, years are officially written as Republic of China Year X. Where the current (Western) year = 1911+X. So, if you see Republic of China Year 90, it really means 2001. Quiz! What is this year in Taiwanese years? Ding! 97.
This is because the Republic of China began in 1911, replacing the Qing Dynasty, and Taiwan recognizes that instead of the PRC which started in 1949. The PRC uses the regular year system.

In your Year of Personal Destiny, you are supposed to wear a 红腰带 (hong 2 yao1 dai4), or Red Belt, in order to secure a prosperous YOPD. I actually had one once, while I was working at China Today magazine back in 1996. I didn't actually wear it, but I did wrap it around my computer. It is basically a red ribbon or strip of cloth, or even a string.
It is meant to ward off evil and disaster, and to attract good fortune. Apparently, though, college girls in Hangzhou are using them as a weight loss device.
Red is usually a good luck color, along with gold. Black and white are mostly reserved for funereal-type affairs.
We'll see how the rest of the Rat pans out....

Presidential nonsense-clature

2008-02-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

Last time we learned how Sen. Barack Obama is a mysterious sticky horse. If you thought that was weird, just wait until you hear the other candidates' names in Chinese.
As I mentioned last post, Chinese transliterations of Western public figures' names are often reduced to three characters. This is to maintain some sense of normalcy for the average Chinese reader. Usually the transliteration is of the Western person's last name only. BUT, in Chinese, a person's surname (last name) is the first character in the name. So, like last time's example: Mao Zedong. Mao is the surname.
Here is where it gets convoluted. In the transliteration of a Western last name (like Romney), sometimes the first character of the transliteration is an actual Chinese surname. Clever, no? So the transliteration is 罗姆尼 (luo2 mu3 ni2), not only sounds like Romney, but his name has a real Chinese surname! Bonus! We'll get to the meaning of his name later. He would think it was weird.
OK, on with the names of the other candidates!

1) John McCain
Everybody knows McCain was a POW in Vietnam, and he is into campaign finance reform, right? Most Americans don't know, though, that his Chinese name, 麦凯恩 (mai4 kai3 en1) (which also sports an authentic Chinese surname) means Wheat Triumphant Kindness. Technically, the first character, 麦, can be viewed as merely as surname. But it is also used in transliterations in place of the prefix "Mac" or "Mc," as in McDonald's: 麦当劳 (mai4 dang1 lao2), which means roughly "wheat becomes labor."
So McCain's Chinese name is actually pretty good. It could also be translated as "McTriumphant Kindness."
The character breakdown:
麦: Mai, which means wheat, barley, oats or just a surname. Also represents the "Mc" in his name.
凯: Kai, translated as "triumphant," but a more poetic meaning is "victory song," such as an army would sing upon gaining a victory and returning home.
恩: En, which is basically "kindness," or favor, or benevolence.
Not bad!

2) Hillary Clinton
Sen. Clinton's Chinese name is interesting because it is a transliteration of her first name, Hillary, instead of the usual last name transliteration. This is most likely because the "Clinton" Chinese version was already taken by President Bill Clinton's name in Chinese: 克林顿 (ke1 lin2 dun4). Which means, incidentally, Overcome Forest Pause. So, since that was taken, they use 希拉里 (xi1 la1 li3), Hope Pull Inside.
希: Xi, means hope, also means "infrequent."
拉: La, to pull.
里: Li means "inside" somewhere. It is also a measure of distance, approx. 1/2 mile, and also is another word for village.
Strange.

3) Also running

Mike Huckabee
赫卡比 (He4 ka2 bi3): Burning red Obstruct Compare

Mitt Romney
罗姆尼 (Luo2 Mu3 Ni2): Bird net Governess Buddhist nun
Romney's name is also very close to the Chinese word for "rum," 罗姆酒 (luo2 mu3 jiu3). Being a Mormon he probably wouldn't like that much more than having "Buddhist nun" as part of his name!

How's that for astute political commentary?

What's in a (presidential candidate's) name?

2008-02-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Unlike Western names, Chinese names have meanings that are (in general) obvious and out in front. Take my name, Benjamin. It means "son of my right hand," but most people don't know that.
Then take a Chinese name, like 毛泽东 (mao2 ze2 dong1). So the surname comes first, and while these all have meaning (in Mao's case 'hair'), I suppose they are just considered a name, like Smith. Nobody thinks of a Smith as a smith. But the given name in this case, 泽东, means "beneficence to the East."
Now, of course, (if he were just a normal guy) people wouldn't go around thinking of him as Hairy Beneficence to the East. They would just think of him as "Old Mao," or "Zedong." But still, the name is made of words that are used in the language as it exists today. In other words, the names are not based on Latin or Aramaic or whatever, so that the meaning is lost on most people. The meaning is right there in your face.
Having said that, (now there's a weird expression. Of course I said that.), anyway, that being said, (ibid), ahem. In the case of foreign names, things get tricky. In the next few posts, I will deconstruct for you, dear reader, the names of the U.S. presidential candidates (technically 'hopefuls') as they appear in the Chinese media.

1) Mysterious Sticky Horse
Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) is referred to in Chinese as 奥巴马 (Ao1 Ba1 Ma3), which is a 3-character transliteration of just his last name "Obama." That is a theme (with some exceptions) in the transliteration of Western names. It's handy to do that, because then his name has three words in it (like a Chinese name, usually), and it is easily readable for people. Otherwise the name would be long and cumbersome to read.
Here is Obama's name, broken down into its separate characters:
奥: "Ao" means "obscure or mysterious." It is also a phonetic word that is used in foreign sounding words, like "Olympics" or "Austria."
巴: "Ba" is another word that is usually used as a syllable in transliterations. But the top meaning in the online Xinhua Chinese dictionary is "something sticky, like mud or 'guo ba' (that rice that sticks to the bottom of the pot)"
马: "Ma" simply means "horse." Pretty straightforward. Also used commonly in transliterations.
So, in sum, Obama is referred to in the Chinese media as the "Mysterious Sticky Horse." Interpret that as you will.
Tune in tomorrow (or whenever I get to it) for more presidential pun-ishment!
NEXT: John McCain and Hillary Clinton...

The quest for "King" Abs

2008-02-24T13:23:00.000-07:00

The year 2008 plods mercilessly on, almost to month number three. As a way to distract myself, I am hereby embarking on a quest. The quest for "King" abs.
Who is King Abs, you ask? Well, in Chinese 王字腹肌 (wang2 zi1 fu4 ji1) means "王-shaped abdominal muscles." 王 means "king" (it is also the surname Wang), but it is also a shape, and if you use your imagination, you can see that "6-pack abs" pattern in the shape of the character. Here is an ASCII dude with King abs:
O
\/@\/
王
/ \
\ |

See? OK. So here is the plan: In six weeks, I will give myself two gifts:
1) a full-time job
2) a brand new set of King abs

I will go about this quest by doing copious amounts of cardiovascular activity, eating mainly chicken, leafy greens and peppers, and eggs. And string cheese.
I will also be applying to at least two jobs a week, no matter what they are.

I'll track my progress on this blog over the next six weeks. Don't worry, I won't put up any before pictures.

Ludicrous linguistics I

2008-02-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is 标, (biao1).
Like tons of other Chinese characters, the meaning (and appearance) of 标 has changed considerably since it was first invented and carved into a turtle shell some 6,000 years ago.
The left side of the character is the "wood" radical 木 (mu4), which gives a hint that the word is related to wood or trees.
Indeed, the original meaning was "tip of a tree," or basically the opposite of the roots of a tree.
The right side of the character is (well, was, before simplified characters were introduced in the 1950s) 票 (piao4). This character usually means "ticket" or "slip of paper." But an alternate meaning (with the pronunciation piao1) was the same as 飘 (also piao1), which means to wave around in the wind.
So you've got "wood" 木, combined with "waving around in the breeze" 票, and together they mean the tippy top of a tree, that would likely be thin and high up, and therefore blowing around. Pretty cool.
Well, since then, the word has evolved to mean many different things. Common meanings are "mark, symbol, or label." It was also used as a name for the army of the late Qing Dynasty, and later evolved to mean "regiment."
But a strange definition, which I discovered while doing a recent translation job, is that it means "bid," as in "a bid on eBay."
How did a poetic word meaning "tree top waving in the wind" come to be such a mundane word as "eBay bid?"

The answer is that I have no clue. Probably a professional linguist might be able to figure it out, but I can only guess. Here is my version. The phrase 投标 (tou2 biao1), means "to put in a bid." The first part of the phrase 投, means "to throw."
OK, I'll set it up:
It's 3,000 years ago in northern China. A merchant rolls into town carrying spices from the south. Everybody wants some, but there is only enough for 3 families. So the 6 family elders come out to the village square in the morning to face off for the spices.
"Ready, GO!" shouts the merchant.
The elders slap the hands of their youngest, most agile kids and the kids run off into the forest.
An hour later the kids come running back with tree branches from the top of the tallest tree they could find in their hands. They all throw them into the middle of the square, with their family name attached to their branch.
Then the merchant goes with each of them into the woods to see which tree they cut the top branch from. The three families with the branches from the tallest trees get to buy the spices!
It. Could. Have. Happened.
And then, a few millennia later, someone invents the Internet and the concept lives on. Except the branches are made of 1s and 0s and don't really exist.
OK, that's today's lesson!

Valentine

2008-02-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

For a job interview, I was asked to write a feature story about myself. I thought that was a great assignment. Who doesn't like to talk about themselves, and what better way than to write a fake interview with yourself?
In the news biz, a "valentine" is an article that is super flattering about someone, and doesn't really say anything bad or controversial. Well, in honor of this year's Valentine's Day, here are some excerpts from my very own valentine to myself. (I took out the name of the company.) Here it is:

By Ben Moger-Williams
XXX staff hopeful

Ben Moger-Williams sat quietly at his kitchen table in Golden on a recent morning, surrounded by cats. His fingers moved over the laptop keyboard like a World War II wireless operator, tapping out an important piece of intelligence: I would love to work for XXX Newspapers.
Moger-Williams, 35, came to be in this feline-infested kitchen via a strange and roundabout route.
A native of Brookhaven, N.Y., located in the middle of Long Island, he is the son of a writer and a social worker. His years at Bellport High School on the loosely affiliated Bellport Puffins Ultimate Frisbee team secured an enduring love for that sport that he says will never fade. A crush on his high school English teacher also secured in him a love of writing.

THE CHINA YEARS
“My mom says I looked like a Chinese baby,” Moger-Williams said in a recent interview. “I was also born the year that Ling-ling and Xing-xing came to the United States. So, you know, there were signs.”
He soon discovered a love for Mandarin, and excelled in the subject, eventually majoring in Chinese Literature. After a semester abroad in 1992, he decided that China was where he wanted to be after graduating. He was accepted into the prestigious Johns Hopkins-Nanjing University Center for Chinese-American Studies, a part of the School of Advanced International Studies, in 1994. After spending a year with that program, Moger-Williams moved to Beijing to live with his good friend Xiaofeng “Peter” Pan.

Moger-Williams also cites several television appearances while in China. He was one of three foreigners chosen to be the hosts of a show commemorating the 60th anniversary of the Long March. He, along with Peruvian artist Martin Salazar Santos and Ukrainian student Yulia [Something] retraced the route of Mao Zedong’s Communist forces as they retreated over 10,000 km in a huge circle around China.
“I got to see some amazing places on that trip,” Moger-Williams recalled. “I learned a whole lot about censorship, too. Most of the good interviews were cut and the show was converted into a propaganda-soaked Communist farce. But it was still awesome.”

Asked if he wants to stay in the field of journalism, he offers a solid “yes.”
“Ultra-local coverage and community news – what I was doing before – are the future of newspapers,” he said. “We used to scoop the larger daily all the time, and what a great feeling that was. I hope to be able to continue to work in a small, flexible environment, where I can be part of a quality news team. That is what it is all about.”
As he types the final words in the application for a job with XXX, he pauses to look out the window. A large cat thunders past his feet.
“OK,” he says. “I have a good feeling about this one. Let’s see what happens.”

Stereotypes live

2008-02-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

I do freelance translation on the side to make a few extra bucks. And I mean few in the sense of "not very much." Often the assignments are diplomas and transcripts and stuff, but sometimes there are pretty interesting ones. Sometimes, though, they are really hard.

I suppose it is a stereotype that doctors have messy handwriting. But it's true! Especially Chinese doctors. Tonight I am working on a translation of a medical record, and trying to read the doctor's writing is pretty impossible. I have deciphered a few of the entries, including some of the prescriptions, but mostly I have to put [illegible] down. I did learn one useful word: 硝酸甘油 (nitroglycerin, xiao1 suan1 gan1 you2).

I feel bad because I turned down this assignment once, but I guess they couldn't find anyone else to do it. But I don't want the guy who's record it is to suffer because I couldn't read his doctor's handwriting.

Well, I'll keep at it. Hopefully we can go back to diplomas and such with the next round.

Badminton can save America

2008-02-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

In the upcoming Olympics in August of this year, one of the least watched events (by Americans) will probably be badminton. That's as may be, but badminton in the United States is a great metaphor for diversity, international relations and global understanding.
Badminton evolved from a ancient Greek game known as Battledore and Shuttlecock, where two players would simply smack a shuttlecock (feathered ball) back and forth.
Today it is played all over the world and is the second most popular sport in the world, after soccer (according to some, anyway). The hardest smash was clocked at over 200 mph, coming off the racket. (The record was set by Chinese player Fu Haifeng, at the 2005 Sudirman Cup. Speed 332 km/h or 207 mph.)
One of the first things I did after moving to Colorado was find a place to play badminton. Personally I developed a love of the game while living in Beijing for 5 years. There, a friend's company rented out 5 courts every week at the Asian Games Village in the northern part of the city. The gym there had at least 40 courts set up, and it was hard to get court space even then.
But after returning to the US, I found that a great way to interact with the international crowd is to find a badminton club and start playing.
Take the Boulder Badminton Club, for example. This is where I play every Thursday night.

The club has several Chinese or Taiwanese members, and I usually seek them out quickly so I can practice my rusty Mandarin skills. During a doubles game last week, one Chinese player was paired up with a Romanian dude, and I was playing against them, with another Romanian dude. So right there you have representation from 3 countries.
Anyway, it turned out that the Romanian guy on the other team said a few words in Chinese to his partner. After the game, the Chinese partner asked him if he could speak Mandarin. The guy answered yes and so I chimed in that I could speak it, too. Liviu, for that was his name, was very excited and we started chatting away. He had taught himself Mandarin while in Romania. In Colorado he works at a hospital. He also said the guy I was playing with was his cousin, Zico, who used to be the coach of the national Romanian team.

Liviu told me that he has trouble speaking with Chinese people in America, since they are more aloof than those in Romania and don't want to practice with him. Sort of strange, but I suppose once you have been in the US for a while, you learn to be more suspicious than you were in other parts of the world.
Liviu also said he used to live in New Hampshire, and there he was met with other forms of suspicion. He said that there were lots of "hong bo zi" (rednecks) there and they would sometimes approach him and ask if he was an Arab, because if he was, they didn't like Arabs.
Interestingly enough, he said he preferred that type of up-front prejudice to the behind-your-back kind.

Anyway, back to my original premise. Americans can learn a lot playing badminton. In Boulder there are players from China, Taiwan, Romania, Canada, India, Indonesia, Philippines, Germany, England, Vietnam, and Russia. Probably some others too, but still, that's a lot. Games last about 15-20 minutes, and for that brief time, all the players on the court are united in their love of the game.
Insert clever conclusion here.

Wagonwheel Gulch

2008-01-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

I can't remember if that is the actual name of the place we hiked today, but it was fun. Right in Golden, the trail was 5 miles round trip, and took us about 3 hours total, including break at top to consume clif bars.
M has a job interview tomorrow, which is good. I am still waiting to hear from a couple of places. Not too hopeful.
I didn't play Ultimate today, but that's OK. There is still tomorrow, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday to play. Looked up how to query Men's Health magazine at the libe today. Hopefully I can get it together this week to actually do it.